hey look the year is just about over

yeah, 2011 next, cool times. It seems like it was 1998 only yesterday, and Pokemon was just coming out on TV, on cards, in games, on clothes, in lunchables, and pretty much everywhere.

So, I'm kinda proud that I managed to get more than 20 pokemon reviewed this month, which is a record for me. I also have really enjoyed - you know what, #100 is coming up in a little bit, so I'll just wax poetic then, okay?

Happy New Year, you bastards.

No. 093: Haunter

I've been waiting for this all my goddamn life

Haunter is, quite possibly, my favorite pokemon of all time.

actually, scratch that, Haunter is THE FAVORITE POKEMON OF ALL TIME. for me.

Everything about him is perfect. The floating hands, the jack-o-lantern mouth, the spiky head, the EVERYTHING.

I will share some freaking Haunter memories with you bastards now:

1. I was Haunter for halloween one year. My mom made me a spiky hat thing and I painted my face purple and wore purple gloves and black all the rest of me so it would look like my hands and face were floating.

2. I got a haunter t-shirt custom made by one of my friends for me birthday, it has Haunter coming out of a tombstone that says 93 so that's how I always know his number. I don't know like any other pokemon's number, just Haunter.

3. In this pokemon manga, they had to deal with this giant badass Haunter called the Black Fog. It was so ancient and badass that it was solid when it slept. It used nightshade, but Ash's fearow used mirror move, so the Black Fog used TWO MOVES AT THE SAME TIME and used dream eater to suck up the reflected nightshade, fearow, and then went on to mop the floor with pikachu, onix, and Sabrina's entire roster of pokemon. That's right, the gym leader. but they tricked it into walking into a hyper ball, which is a super pokeball the size of a truck with a capture rate of 10x a master ball. that's 10 TIMES 100% HOLY SHIT but it USED EXPLOSION FROM INSIDE THE POKEMON WHAT THE HELL and escaped, but its health was really low by now, so Ash threw a regular ultra ball at it, and it would've caught it, but the Black Fog used explosion again and KILLED ITSELF because, as was later explained, the ancient people of lavender town worshiped it AS A GOD and it would rather DIE than give that up.



now THAT is one hell of a pokemon.

Overall: 10/10

but this is the best possible 10/10 you can get, trust me. this is the pinnacle of pokemon perfection, right here.

No. 092: Ghastly

When someone first described Ghastly to me, I drew a pumpkin face with spirals in its eyes on a random cloud of gas.

apparently Gamefreak stole that paper and designed Spiritomb off of it, but whatever.

Ghastly is fun times, sure, but I can never appreciate him because I'm too damn impatient to get to Haunter. So I don't really have much of an opinion on Ghastly, but I think I'll give him shit for being ghost/poison.

that is a horrible typing, especially in gen 1 when ghosts were supposed to be good against psychic. what were they thinking!?

anyway yeah Ghastly also apparently has illusion hax in the anime or something i dont care

Overall: 5/10

No. 091: Cloyster

Cloyster gunna getchoo

okay, so, listen up with your ears. Cloyster is such a good pun, I can't even stand it. First, to cloister something away is to hide it away and stuff. Then, you all better know what an oyster is. and you put the words together, and it makes an oyster that hides itself, which is ALREADY WHAT OYSTERS DO the pun is so appropriate is what makes it great.

It's not like being all "Lava + Horse = Lavorse" which is taking two things that are unrelated and making them one thing, but Cloyster has a totally rocking pun that fits perfectly.

As for the pokemon himself, Cloyster has more then enough defense to last all through winter, and is my favorite ice/water type by far.

Overall: 8/10

No. 090: Shellder

don't stick your tongue out at me!

It's rude, is all.

Shellder isn't really anything special. Besides being a cheeky bastard, he doesn't really do much else.

I always wondered if he's related to the Ghastly/Haunter/Gengar trio, though... because he has a long tongue, big white eyes, and a hidden black mass of a face. Although, considering the tongue, maybe he's a Lickitung relative.

Overall: 5/10

No. 089: Muk

God bless us everybody

Maybe it's the Christmas spirit, but I'm feeling charitable today. So while I was probably going to go easy on whoever ended up on the block, it turns out that to my delight I get to talk about Muk.

I love Muk.

Because Muk is all about love.

If Grimer wants to fondle, Muk wants to hug, to love, to hold and cherish. Also, remember how I only like Bellsprout because of this one badass one in the anime? well, guess what pokemon beat that Bellsprout.

That's right, Muk.

The only thing is that Muk is stinky, and poison types are kinda useless. But besides that, Muk is a big pile of lovin', who keeps Christmastime in his (stinky) heart always.

Overall: 9/10

No. 088: Grimer

And now just look at this pile of crap.

wait, I don't mean that in a bad way! Grimer is a living pile of sludge, and he is ready for some fondling. Just look at those arms. Grimer loves nothing better than to work up a good stank and then just fondle the shit out of something. I honestly don't know where I'm going with this.

but basically Grimer is a well-executed idea. He also reminds me of Ivan Ooze's slime, from the power rangers movie. huh.

Overall: 6/10

No. 087: Dewgong

So apparently a dugong is a thing.

Which means that the geniuses at gamefreak just took another animal name and just wrote it differently.

But because I didn't even know that dugongs were a thing until just now, I'm going to be more lenient. Also, water/ice is a nice type, even if there are too many of them.

But Dewgong actually has a pun in its name, becaused dew is water, right? okay, it's not much, but it's better than frigging Seel.

Basically, Dewgong isn't very inspired, but it is at least half-way decent.

also dat face is adorable.

Overall: 5/10

No. 086: Seel

"Hey, what do we call this seal pokemon?"

"Haha, yeah, Seel, that's great!"



Dear lord.



If you have a pokemon that looks almost exactly like a seal, you probably shouldn't call attention to it by naming it the samne damn name as what is is. At least come up with a clever name, or something.

How about Seelio? That's a fine name. Or something like Slushle, or Smoothie? Seel reminds me of soft-serve ice cream and stuff, I guess.

But Seel was all they could come up with?

Frigging pathetic.

Overall: 1/10

No. 085: Dodrio

Yeah, three heads is not noticeably better than two.

I feel like I'm up to my neck in flying fiends, fluttering all over the place and shitting on everything and pecking my head and stuff.

And I'm tired of it.

Dodrio gets a 3 because that's ironic and shit.

Or maybe it's poetic, I don't know. I don't care.

Overall: 3/10

No. 084: Doduo

awwwwwww, shit...

Another normal/flying type. Farfetch'd bamboozled me last time, and I forgot to whine about it being another normal/flying type as well.

I guess I'll give that rant right now.

For every possible pokemon type pairing, there should be a pokemon to represent it. After that, there should be some diversity about the pokemon that occupy the typing. One that excells in physical attack, one that excells in special attack, one that is all about the defense, one that is about speed, etc.

But Normal/Flying is filled with a crap-ton of similar pokemon with similar stats. None of them are amazing. They all are about speed and then maybe physical attack. All of them. With paper-thin defenses. It is the same damn pokemon, over and over again. the Pidgey line, the Spearow line, Farfetch'd, and now Doduo rears both his ulgy heads. These feathery assholes are everywhere, squaking and flapping around and making a mess of things.

So look, Doduo, if I pretend Fearow doesn't exist, and that Pidgeot never happened, you'd still look kinda dopey. But as it is, I can't bring myself to give you even a single inch of slack.

Overall: 1/10

No. 083: Farfetch'd

I'm not sure I even understand Farfetch'd.

He's a duck or a bird or something, and he carries around a leek. And... that's it.





Some pokemon are badass, some are cute, some are well-thought-out, some are stupid, some are bullshit, and then there are some that just confuse me.

Farfetch'd is such a one.

I seriously have no freaking idea what to think about him. I don't even understand why they named him "Far-fetched". Is the idea of a bird holding a leek so far-fetched? More than a turtle with water cannons or a mouse that shoots electricity from its cheeks? Why the pun? Why the leek? Why a duck? Why anything?

Some pokemon have me asking "what the hell", but Farfetch'd makes me ask "why? Why?"

and it doesn't even evolve, offering no further clues as to what on earth he means.



If anyone needs me, I'll be drinking myself into an eggnog stupor.

Overall: why /10

No. 570: Zorua

It was you, ya little snot.

Illusion is an interesting ability. However, it would be better if Zorua was a different type with more defensive options. As it is, about the best you can hope to do is to masquerade as a Fighting/Poison or something, get them to swap in a Psychic, and then hit them with your STAB Dark-type moves. Which is pretty neat, but Dark as a type can only super-effective two types, and resists itself.

Something with more resistances and strengths, like a Grass type posing as a Fire type, would be more useful. Then you'd trick Water, Ground, and Rock Pokemon all at once. When I fought N in the game and he used one, though, it appeared as something or other and I just decided to use Brick Break on it anyway. but it was Happy Birthday to me, it was a Zoroark in disguise! ha ha, take that, N.

anyway, every time I see Zorua, I think its hair tuft is like a paintbrush, with red paint. But Zorua doesn't have anything to do with painting, so I don't know why it's there. I like the eyebrows, though. And the cocky attitude. It's a cool little guy, and I can't really complain about much.


Overall: 7/10


NOTE: This was really written on Dec 17, 2012. Please ignore this little fox until you are redirected to it though the trick entry on that date.

No. 082: Magneton

This hunk of junk, on the other hand...

Okay, this is bullshit. Just like I called bullshit on Dugtrio, I call bullshit on Magneton. Sticking three of the same pokemon together does not another new pokemon make. I mean, seriously, what the hell. This is stupid.

Magneton might have some good stats, but the design is just...

Lazy piece of crap.

Overall: 2/10

No. 081: Magnemite

One could say that Magnemite is... Attractive.

If you wanted to make a bad pun, that is.

But it is certainly the truth. Magnemite is some pretty cool times. he looks unique and is actually a pokemon worth having. He gets to be an electric-type but fears not the ground type; he levitates instead.

I notice that I've been calling Magnemite a "he", but it has no gender in the games. Yet it can still breed with Ditto. How that even works is something I'll talk about when we get to the ol' sex jelly himself, but back to Magnemite.

I think this is an excellent execution of the concept "living magnet" that isn't just a big damn magnet with wings and eyes flying all over the place.

Overall: 9/10

No. 080: Slowbro

Slowbro and Geodude definitely hang out together.

So, a Shellder bites Slowpoke on his ass, and they evolve into Slowbro?

Dude, that doesn't even LOOK like a Shellder. Or a Cloyster, for that matter. I think it's all just a big hoax.

Aside from that, Slowbro is okay. He still looks dopey as hell, and that shit-eating grin is pissing me off, but he actually has fairly good stats, and with a name like Slowbro, I can't stay mad at him for long.

Overall: 5/10

No. 079: Slowpoke

slowpoke is slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

Ok, meme be damned, Slowpoke is kinda stupid. I mean, being slow is its gimmick? How lame is that.

Slowpoke is up there with Psyduck in terms of literal mental retardation in pokemon. That isn't even supposed to be a joke, it is a legitimate statement, and I'm not sure what I think about it. Is Gamefreak telling us that being retarded is funny, and should be laughed at? Or that it is just another quirk that makes us all unique?

Well, I frankly don't even want to think about Slowpoke more than I have to, so I'm going to move along real quick-like and not slow at all.

Overall: 2/10

No. 078: Rapidash

Rapidash always reminds me of Titania from Fire Emblem.

So, Rapidash is a flaming unicorn draft horse. That runs as fast as everything or something.

Holy crap, can a pokemon get any better? It is like Super Robot Unicorn Attack in pokemon form is something. I don't really think I need to describe how awesome Rapidash is. Let me just quote some flavor text:

"It runs at 150 miles per hour, on fire, chasing everything that moves in hopes of racing it. With incredible acceleration, it reaches its top speed in only ten steps. At full gallop, its four hooves barely touch the ground."

Holy Flaming Shit.

Overall: 10/10

No. 076: Ponyta

Imagine My Little Pony, but on flaming crack.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that Ponyta is popular with the girls. I mean, it is an adorable pony, after all.

But Ponyta also has a kickass firey mane, which is something that I think both genders can appreciate.

But for me, Ponyta is great and all, but a little too cute to really be amazing.

Overall: 8/10

No. 075: Golem

Evolution be damned.

Okay, this one just doesn't make any sense. Geodude is made out of rocks, he has two arms. Graveler is made out of rocks, he has 4 arms and little legs. Golem is a dinosaur encased in a turtle-shell-rock-egg. what the hell.

This doesn't make any sense at all, not even a little. I seriously have NO IDEA how they thought this would make anyone happy, or what they were trying to do.

A better idea would have been a larger rock guy with 6 fully-fledged limbs, walking like a spider or something. Call him Grantite. So much better.

...But I can't give Golem a completely failing grade, because while he comes out of nowhere like a bastard child, he looks okay on his own.

Overall: 3/10

No. 074: Graveler

Stone Cold Commandos... Rock Rock On!!

I like Graveler more than Geodude, even though they both have stupid names. Not much more, but he looks burly and stuff.

Mostly, I appreciate how Graveler is a very obvious step-up from Geodude, he looks like the only possible pokemon that could evolve from Geodude, and that he could have come from naught else. I do so hope that this trend continues with the final evolution as well...!

Overall: 5/10

No. 073: Geodude

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

I just can't take Geodude seriously. I mean, Geodude? Seriously? That's the best they could come up with? Was Rockguy taken?

one other thing that bothers me: why can Geodude, and many other pokemon, just kinda levitate? what the hell. If they are psychic or have wings, I accept flying around. but why should Geodude be able to float. If he can, then why can't he learn fly? what's up with that?

Overall: 4/10

No. 072: Tentacruel

Bigger, better, badder.

Tentacruel is a much better thing to have around than Tentacool. He actually looks like a boss, and isn't clogging up the world's oceans.

he basically just looks dangerous. Which is something that not many pokemon do, so props to him on that regard.

Not much to say, really, just that it's a good thing that Tentacool evolves into something not sucky.

Oh, and also I do like the red jewel head thing Tentacruel has going on.

Overall: 6/10

No. 071: Tentacool

Jewel of the sea my ass...

Recently, fishermen all over the world have reported catching a much higher number of jellyfish. they don't want to catch the jellies, they just kind of show up. jellyfish are growing in unprecedented numbers, and taking over waters that they usually don't inhabit, killing the native fish. this is putting a crunch on the fishing indestry, the beaches, and basically anyone who doesn't want a bunch of frigging jellyfish all over the damn place.

I guess that the pokemon world is having a similar problem.

you can't surf 5 feet without running into a level 15 Tentacool. never mind that you're on the waters outside cinnabar island, and that your team is in the 50's. you will meet some damn jellyfish.

Also, Tentacool isn't based off the gently floating jellyfish, either. that's a frigging Box Jelly, which can swim 25 mph upstream, has tiny eyes, some of the deadliest poison in the world, and actively hunts its prey. which is honestly pretty cool but also freaky as hell. gives me the creeps.

Overall: 1/10

No. 070: Victreebel

The sweet ring of victory.

Remember in the anime when James would always get eaten by his Victreebel?

yeah, that was funny the first time, but every goddamned time he calls it out? why even bother?

Victrebell has the same type problems as weepinbell, but at least it's right side up, so it can at least feed properly.

I don't have any real beef with Victreebel, it works fine for a pitcher plant pokemon, but there are much better grass types.

Overall: 5/10

No. 070: Weepinbell

what the hell.

what sort of evolution loses legs. that - that's the opposite of evolution.

Also, I never got why Weepinbell is grass/poison. a poison subtype was spread around like crazy in the first gen, and it never really helped. grass/water makes much more sense, since it IS a pitcher plant or something.

except wait, it's upside down. what the hell, how is that even going to work.

what the hell, Weepinbell. seriously.

Overall: 3/10

No. 069: Bellsprout

as sexy as the number suggests

Remember that one anime episode, in the Indigo League, where a bellsprout wiped the floor with Bulbasaur, and then Pikachu? That was great, and made me love Bellsprout so hard.

Which says a lot, because in-game Bellsprout is a joke, and his evolutions are dumb. But we'll get to them tomorrow.

Suffice to say, Bellsprout looks cool doing drunken boxing, weaving all around and whipping people with its feet, and stuff. But I don't think it's enough to give it a full score, because I seem to be handing those out like the ice cream man hands out push-pops on a hot summer day.

Overall: 8/10

No. 068: Machamp

man oh man Machamp is the man

I freaking love every inch of Machamp's amazing body. And with four arms, there's that much more to love.

From his awesome head crests, to his already-meanioned 4 arms, to his fashionable speedo, to his overall ripped bod, Machamp is a Man's Pokemon.

He is so badass I don't even think I can stand it.

take a look at his original art:

See? Machamp is the champion of all fighting pokemon.

Overall: 10/10

No. 067: Machoke

I machoke you out

I like Machoke, too. He's ripped as hell, and apparently has scars or something on his arm. Also, he is rocking that speedo like none other.

ALSO, notice that he has a prize-fighter champion belt on. That's right, each and every Machoke is a champion prize-fighter. So badass.

Machoke is great, but honestly his scars or whatever make him seem out of place with his evolutions.

Overall: 9/10

No. 066: Machop

awwwwwww yeeeeeaaaaah beeeeeyaaaaatch

Machop is like one of my top favorite pokemon ever. or should I say, one of maTOP favorite pokemon ever.

so puns aside, Machop kicks ass. He is a little karate man, and what kind of animal is he based on? It doesn't matter, because he is a made up awesome thing. I love the shit out of his little head crests, as well as the fact that he is a badass fighting type.

ooh wait, sometimes he looks like he's made out of clay or something. is that what he is? whatever, still awesome.

and I love how his dex entry is always about him breaking things, like boards, or bricks, or skulls.

Overall: 10/10

No. 065: Alakazam

Are you ready to trip all over some balls?

Because I am laying down a groundwork of balls right now, so feel free to trip all you want.

Okay, so,
Abra's japanese name: Casey.
Kadabra's japanese name: Yungeler.
Alakazam's japanese name: Hoodin.

don't see it yet?

Casey --> Edgar Cayce
Yungeler --> Uri Geller
Hoodin --> Houdini

these are all famous psychics and magicians, people. are you tripping balls yet? I hope so.

anyway, I hate Alakazam, because he is so over-used and over-powered. Here is how to beat pokemon blue: get an Abra. raise it to an Alakazam. teach it psychic. proceed to destroy everything.

seriously, it pissed me off how game breaking Alakazam was. There's no satisfaction is using him, either. And his goddamn spoons. I must admit that his sheer power merits some points, but still, screw Alakazam, and Kadabra as well. I'm sticking with Casey.

er, I mean, Abra.

overall: 2/10

No. 064: Kadabra

"Abracadabra" by Steve Miller band is a great song.

While I really like how Kababra says his name in the anime, I don't like a whole lot else about him. His tail is fatty, for one thing. I do like his armor and legs, though. they look badass.

he also doesn't look much like a cat anymore, and his mustache whiskers make him look old and lame. Is he like a fox now?

But mainly, its his spoon that pisses me off. Uri Geller was the dumbass who invented the bending spoon thing, but I frankly can't bring myself to give a shit about it. It doesn't connote telekinetic powers, Japan. Spoons just connote food. Kadabra looks like an old grandpa who was eating his pudding but got distracted halfway though and is still carrying the spoon around with him.

Overall: 4/10

No. 063: Abra

haha wow 2 posts in a week cool

Abra is a great pokemon to come back to, though. He's like a sleepy little cat, wearing armor and having psychic abilities.

I also think that Abra had a neat gimmick, looking back. You could find an Abra really early, but it always teleported away, so you had to either come back with a better ball and capture it in one shot, or get some sort of sleep-inducing move to hold it down. It was kinda annoying, but it made the eventual Abra capture pretty memorable.

Abra is a very well-thought-out pokemon. Top quality.

Overall: 10/10

No. 062: Poliwrath

But when little baby frog grow up and be big daddy frog, he find he still just a frog.

Poliwrath sounds awesome on paper. A bigger, meaner Poliwhirl, with an actual fighting type to him.

Except, he doesn't live up to the hype. I mean, he looks sorta lumpy and dumb, like a battletoad or something, and I don't know.

He just doesn't work as well as Poliwhirl, is all. He's still pretty good, but I'm not even sure what I was expecting. Maybe to keep the round body, or something.

Overall: 7/10

No. 061: Poliwhirl

Little baby frog wanna be just like his big daddy frog when he grow up.

Whenever Poliwhirl gets brought up, it seems like no one can shut the hell up about how his spiral pattern is now swirling to the right, or the the left, or whatever, instead of the way it goes when he's a Poliwag, but frankly I don't give a shit about that kind of crap.

I'd much rather talk about how Poliwhirl loves to punch things. He put on those special gloves just so that he could punch and punch to his heart's content. He lives for the punching. He is punching.

It really makes me sad that he doesn't pick up the fighting type until his next evolution, because Poliwhirl was clearly made to punch.

Aside from that, Poliwhirl just works. He's something like a frog, but without the tongue gimmick, and with a penchant for punching as I mentioned earlier. Also, he's blue, which is always a good color for a water pokemon. When they aren't blue, people get confused.

Overall: 10/10

No. 060: Poliwag

What do little baby frog wanna be when he grow up, man?

As far as first-stage pokemon go, Poliwag's alright. He's not great, but certainly not bad.

I like the inclusion of the spiral, it makes it much more unique than just a regular tadpole-thing.

Also I really like the idea of Poliwag slapping the shit out of something with its tail.

Overall: 6/10

No. 059: Arcanine

unf why are all fire types so awesome

Seriously, all the 1st gen fire types are at least great, and most are awesome.

Arcanine is no exception. He is a bigger, more majestic Growlithe, and he runs fast like the wind apparently.

Also, he is called the Legendary Pokemon, in the same way that Pikachu is the Electric Mouse Pokemon. That made for some confusion about which pokemon were legendary and which weren't when I was young, but hey. The people who discovered him were all, "this guy is so amazing that lets put him up there with mewtwo and stuff okay guys", which I think we can all agree, was a GOOD DECISION.

There's not really much else to say, because everyone already loves Arcanine.

Overall: 10/10

No. 058: Growlithe

I once wrote a fanfic with a Growlithe named Sgt. Gruff McGrowl.

It was about pokemon if they were 1920's gangsters and cops. All I remember is that I only wrote one chapter, and I did my best to describe the pokemon so that you might not know they were pokemon. Like, Pikachu had "short yellow hair, big ears, and rosy cheeks" etc.

But I digress.

Growlithe is great. He looks like he could be an actual pet you would want to have, yet he doesn't look like any animal I've ever seen. He's also totally adorable. Look at him there, vigilant as hell, just waiting for his master to come home and feed him some dog food or something, I don't know.

Anyway, I would get a Growlithe if pokemon were real.

Overall: 10/10

No. 057: Primeape

Imagine Mankey, but cranked up to 11.

Primape is so pissed, he makes Mankey look positively mellow. Primeape is just one giant ball of livid, vein-bursting anger, and he is gonna take it out on someone.

However, at this point, he has lost the tail, and is now sporting iron shackles around his wrists and ankles, making him look less like a monkey and more like some sort of troll-thing.

And honestly, it's just not as interesting. Sorry, Primape, but I like my monkeys with tails. If you wanted to be a gorilla, you should've at least attempted to have gigantic arms or something.

Overall: 4/10

No. 056: Mankey

Get it, its like monkey, but with a different vowel?

Yeah, whatever.

Mankey is great, very original. If you asked someone to make a fighting monkey, they would probably just put a monkey in a karate belt and call it good.

Not the good folks at Gamefreak.

They took a monkey, ripped its limbs off, stuck them on a ball of fuzz, turned its toes into a claw thing, gave it cat ears, a pig nose, and made it permanently pissed off.

Genius.

Overall: 10/10

No. 055: Golduck

Okay, why is his name Golduck, when he isn't even golden.

Not even a little.

But Golduck is still a cool duck. He looks sleek and smooth, like he's wearing a wetsuit or something, as opposed to Psyduck's bulbous non-streamlined body. Golduck even has spikes on his head, some sort of duck claws, and then a jewel on his forehead that you just KNOW can shoot a beam.

At least, I think he can shoot a beam. Maybe he's like Gigan, and doesn't actually have any beam moves, but he totally looks like he does.

If Psyduck was the awkward loser character, who nobody really liked, then Golduck is his dramatic re-entry, after he's taken a level in badass, with maybe a sword and a cape, and that spiky anime hair with one lock hanging off in front.

In case you couldn't follow that metaphor, just remember this: Golduck is smooth and silky and badass.

Overall: 9/10

No. 054: Psyduck

Okay, why is his name Psyduck, when he isn't even a psychic type.

Not even a little.

And his gimmick is kinda lame, though he pulls it off well. "I act like I'm mentally impaired, but when I bonk my head I can do amazing things!" Which he goes and does, every time he's called out. It's a lame joke, and one that encourages kids to bonk their heads on things, but he does it well enough.

I guess I just feel that Psyduck is really, really, herp derpy. I mean, what sort of pokemon vonultarily learns amnesia? Isn't that usually a BAD thing? He doesn't fill me with rage, just kinda pity and aversion.

I almost feel bad for giving him a low score, but not that bad.

Overall: 3/10

No. 053: Persian

Man, why does pokemon do such bad cats?

It shouldn't be hard. Take a kitty, give it like lightning bolt whiskers, color it yellow, and call it a day. Or maybe give it like a third eye and call it Psychic Kitty.

But just taking a freaking cat and calling it a pokemon is lazy as hell. Also, notice the curled tail, reminiscent of Ratata. Evolutionary link? Either Persians and Ratata are actually decendednts of the same animal, making them evolutionary cousins, or else at some point a Persian and a Ratata had the sexy times. Either way, the historic cat/mouse feud is being disgraced.

Wait, what am I saying? Pokemon don't evolve like that! They came from space, where Arceus created them all in His own image!

You can tell its a slow day when having moot discussions about pokemon ancenstry is more interesting than discussing the actual pokemon at hand. Persian is boring.

Overall: 2/10

No. 052: Meowth

RIP Madeleine Blaustein.

Anyway, anime Meowth is much more interesting than game Meowth. Anime Meowth is the smartest member of team rocket, often coming up with their devious, if shallow, schemes. Actually, seeing as how they never work, maybe Meowth isn't as smart as we think. Huh.

Also, remember that episode where Meowth reveals his tragic past? That almost made me cry. He taught himself to speak English, out of love for another Meowth, but she didn't even want him! And he joined team rocket to change the world, because any other world must be better than the cruel world that rejected him! What a tragic figure.

However, that is like never brought up again. If Meowth gradually became more and more sympathetic, eventually transfering to the good guy side, then that would've been something. As it is, he just kinda kept on saying "Dat's right!"

Also, he is the cat in pokemon. He is an ugly cat. What the heck, Japan. Usually you never pass up a chance for a cute cat, but here you went ahead and did it.

I guess Meowth is just a lot of missed opportunities. Or should I say, oppurrtunities.

I hate myself for that.

Overall: 6/10

No. 051: Dugtrio

BOING! BOING! BOING! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

I guess their thinking was, "If you liked Diglett, you'll love three of them!"

Except that I don't. Dugtrio is lazy. Lazy lazy lazy. It doesn't even make any sense. Why can one Diglett turn into 3 Digletts close together? Why can't I just catch three Digletts and put them all in one pokeball, turning them into a Dugtrio? Why can't I add more and more Digletts, ad infinitum, until I end up with a super-mass of Digletts, Dugtropolis?

Also, Dugtrio raises even more unnerving questions about what it looks like under the surface. Interwtined snakes? One body? Three muscular men holding eachother close?

Dugtrio isn't horrible, just an example of lazy Japanese game designers.

Overall: 3/10

No. 050: Diglett

BOING! WHACK!

Just like whack-a-mole, eh?

Diglett freaking wins. I just love this little guy, possibly because he was the only pokemon I could draw reasonably well when I was in 1st Grade.

Seriously, taking the mole from whack-a-mole and turning it into a pokemon was genius.

A lingering mystery remains, however... Just what does Diglet look like underground?

A snake? A mole body? A buff guy? Unspeakable things? The world may never know...

Overall: 10/10

No. 049: Venomoth

Anyone remember Mothra?

Actually, Venomoth bears more resemplance to Battra than Mothra, honestly.

And we've already been over the evolution mix-up theory, so no need to cover that here.

Instead, I'll say that I actually like Venomoth's design. He looks buggy, but not ugly. I wish that he had better stats. However, if I had to choose one bug type, there are quite a few in line ahead of the big bug. sorry.

Not much to say besides that, the horns are cool, the color scheme is appropriate, the name is fine, he's a good pokemon. Just not a great one.

Overall: 7/10

No. 048: Venonat

Well, here's a fuzzy ball.

Venonat is alright, I guess. At least compared to the last two jokers.

But remember that thing about Butterfree?


Oh, how I hope the next post will be about a pokemon that actually looks like Venonat in any way!

But not all dreams can come true.

Overall: 4/10