No. 596: Galvantula

Tesla was here, Edison is a loser

goddamn is Galvantula a good-ass name. And the good things start adding up from there. Purple and yellow (with some navy blue) highlights, lots of eyes, lots of legs, lots of hair. Thing looks cool.

Also, check this out - if its ability is Compound Eyes, that boosts its accuracy. And if you give it Wide Lens to hold, that also boosts accuracy. And with both of those combined, you can safely throw out Thunder and expect it to hit.

And when you've got STAB Thunder that always hits, moving at 108 base speed, everything that isn't Ground-type can pretty much just get bent. Galvantula has been good to me, needless to say.


Overall: 10/10

No. 595: Joltik

oh my gosh, you guys, is it my birthday? did you get me this? oh, you shouldn't have. how did you know?


It's just what I've always wanted, a cute little Electric/Bug, Joltik!!

Joltik is 4 inches big, and that's just the right size to fit in your pocket. Which I would do all of the day, if I had one, because it is cute as anything. Tarantulas are fuzzy, but I don't think it's a kind of fuzz you would like to pet. Joltik takes that idea, and makes it ideal - I'm saying Joltiks are great things to pet, as long as you don't mind static cling.

I also like how its moves all tie together - it has a high speed, and learns Electro Ball (which does more damage the faster you are than your opponent). And in case you want to get even faster (proportionally) you can use Electro Web to do some damage as well as slow them down. I love moves like that, because while I am usually loathe to use boring status moves, if they do even a bit of damage it becomes more worth it.

a wonderful Pokemon, both in gameplay-concept, and in design.


overall: 10/10

No. 594: Alomomola

okay, no fooling, this Pokemon is also known as "that Pokemon whose name can be read in both directions"

Surprisingly, Alomomola isn't an evolution of Luvdisc. Despite the fact that it is a pink, vertically symmetrical fish with rounded, almost heart-shaped bits, and that it has a lot of HP and focuses on healing teammates, it has no relation to the pink, vertically symmetrical fish that is shaped like a literal heart.

see, in many cases I think that a Pokemon is fine enough, and doesn't need a baby or evolution. But Luvdisc, Luvdisc was kinda shit. A strong, focused evolution like Alomomola would justify Luvdisc's existence. And having two of them be so similar, but not connected, bugs me.

In the end it might not matter, because Alomomola is pretty tame looking, with a gimmick that Audino does better. Also what is it with high-HP Pokemon being pink? anyway, Alomomola has a silly name and doesn't live up to the low expectations set out for it. "be better than Luvdisc" isn't hard, but Alomomola ends up being as wasteful a Pokeball as that one.


Overall: 1/10


p.s. please excuse the large break. I was participating in the Global Game Jam, if you know what that is. I like to explain when I don't update for over a week, but this time didn't feel important enough to make a separate  post. But I ended up writing as much down here as I would have anyway. OH WELL

No. 593: Jellicent

N's World! N's World! Poke time! Jellicent!

So, Prince and Princess jellyfish grow up to be King and Queen jellyfish? I can deal with this. I can deal with this very easily, because it makes a lot of sense and leads to a great design. I love how they each have a light-colored ring on their heads, but for the queen its a ruffle, and for the boys its a manly monarchical mustache. also those little crowns are hella adorable, yo.

but while they look like a lot of fun, let me remind you: these bastards (or bitches) are 7 feet tall, and weigh nearly 300 pounds. and according to their dex entries, they are all the time wrecking ships and feeding on the crew.

Makes the Box Jelly look tame, huh?

I kinda wish they had longer tentacles, though. I know they focused on the large head, but even those jellyfish with huge bulbous domes tend to have a nasty mess of tendrils down below.


Overall: 9/10

No. 592: Frillish

Did I tell you about Ghost-types in this gen? because Ghost-types are gonna friggin' own.


 

I mean, they already did with Cofagrigus, but it gets even better.

In other generations, this would have been two distinct Pokemon. But here in Unova, we run this shit proper. If the gender is the only thing making it different, then it's just got a gendered variant is all. They're both regal and stuff, but blue-flavor looks upset. He's all, "yo what is this crap". Bubblegum on the other hand is pleased as punch to be doing whatever princess-type thing she's doing.

But I love how the typing is Water/Ghost. Jellyfish are ephemeral sort of creatures, and actually pretty creepy. They have no brain, and do nothing except drift and feed. Except wait, hold on, do you know about Box Jellies? bitches can swim 25 mph against the current, and kill you with a single sting. Make a mental note  here - don't ever go swimming in Australia. Actually, no. Don't ever go swimming at all.

What was I talking about? oh yeah, Pokemon. Frillish don't look a thing like Tentacool, and they come in two flavors. Also they're bulky, which is an unusual thing for Ghost-types.


Overall: 8/10

No. 591: Amoonguss

Amoonguss? Get it? Foongus Amoongus? oh lord take me now I'm ready

You know, just like Escavalier was dual-wielding spears, Amoongus appears to be dual-wielding shields. I've always thought this is a badass idea, and I wish more video games would let it be an option. Shield-bash into shield-chop is just such an OP combo.

but I also can't get enough of Amoongus' face there. I mean, what even expression is he trying to convey? Looks like he's rolling his eyes and whistling in contempt. Oh, I know. Even he is groaning about his name. "Amoongus? really guys? really? christ, you guys are assholes. amoongus. holy shit. just wow."

I think having the actual Pokeball designs just right out there in the open is a little distracting, because when its on the canopy, you at least have to make an easy inferance about the rest of the shape, as opposed to seeing the whole thing at once like that.

Really just nitpicks, though. Aside from the name, I find myself liking Amoongus waaaay more than I thought I would.


Overall: 7/10

No. 590: Foongus

am I reading an old Nintendo Power players guide? because these puns are so bad, I think I might be.


I seem to remember them all the time whenever Toad was mentioned having some inane pun to make. Sometimes it was related to him being a "fun guy", or sometimes it was about how "toadstool little, but mario is just the right size", or how there "isn't mushroom for error" with the particular segment. shit was unreal.

anyway, Foongus has a Pokeball shaped head. So when you're walking around, trying to pick up TMs or nuggets hidden in Pokeballs, you might accidentally get one of these guys. A throwback to getting spooked by Voltorbs and stuff in earlier games. It makes you wonder WHY Foongus looks like a Pokeball, though. Did it evolve to become that way, as a means of getting people to pick it up? Or was the Pokeball design inspired by its cap? Only Arceus knows.

We've had mushroom Pokemon before (Paras, Shroomish) but Foongus manages to bring another unique take on the fungi to the table, even if it isn't terribly exciting.


Overall: 6/10

No. 589: Escavalier

this evolution will make zero sense until we hit number 616, I have no idea why they separated these guys in the Pokedex


but holy guacamole, do I like what I'm seeing. Have you ever asked for a Bug-type with Attack? And also both kinds of defense? because if you did, go ahead and ask a friend to pinch you, because you aren't dreaming. Escavalier moves slow like turtle, but that's just because of how he's dual-wielding LANCES.

the name is also the product of some deranged pun-making genius. escargot + cavalier + Excalibur = Weevil Underwood's wet dream.

I just wish he learned a wider variety of moves, is all. But it doesn't bother me that much, because that crest is truly magnificent. Escavelier is a shining paladin of a coleoptera.


Overall: 10/10

No. 588: Karrablast

Gwaaaaar!

No, this isn't a prevo of Heracross. This is Karrablast, which is some other sort of bug? maybe? Science says it's based on this snail-eating beetle, which has a long nasty head thing to get on up in that shell. Given what happens when he evolves, that makes a lot of sense.

But it's the "blast" part of his name that I don't get. He don't explode at all. What's the deal? Design-wise, I'm questioning that sky-blue triangle. black, blue and yellow is friggin' smart. adding sky-blue in there is dumb.

I guess I don't have much strong opinions on this guy, he's fairly generic (but kinda cute), his whole point is his gimmick evolution.


Overall: 5/10

No. 587: Emolga

hey, Pachirisu, nice to see you again!

heeeeey... you're not Pachirisu - you're Emolga! ha ha, I can never tell you guys apart! ha ha, Gamefreak sometimes looks creatively bankrupt!

Look, GF, we get it. Pikachu was a big success. But the thing is, you aren't going to make people forget about it and love the new version. You try this every generation, and it never works. People don't give a two shits about Plusle and Minun, and they give less than a shit about Pachirisu. Emolga is at least part Flying, which is kinda interesting, but it's unable to do much of anything so who cares.

On one hand I kind of want them to tie all these miscellaneous Electric rodents together somehow, but on the other hand I like just forgetting about the non-Pikachu ones until times like this, where I am contractually obligated to think about it.

but eh, a flying squirrel hasn't been done before. A slight amount of respect regained.


Overall: 4/10

No. 586: Sawsbuck

did you know that Sawbuck is slang for a $10 bill? now you do!


So, there's the four seasons of the deer. I'm actually noticing that the "deer" part of Sawsbuck is really friggin' generic, mostly an actual deer. So it falls to the horns to make up the difference.

Spring Sawsbuck is the worst, though. It ought to have a big spread of cherry blossoms, instead of a few tastefully arranged twigs. Couldn't its fur get all pink, or something? All the others display at least a semblance of someone trying to create a visually striking design, Spring drops the ball hard.

Spring: 2/10

the summer collection is okay, it's what I would expect from a deer with tree branches for antlers. It's a neat idea, and ever-so-slightly reminiscent of the God of the Forest from Princess Mononoke, but here it's presented as just so boring and static. Interesting to notice its trimmed chest, styled hair, and perky tail. Trying to attract a Lady Sawsbuck, eh? or would that be Sawsdoe...

Summer: 5/10


Moving onto the best season, Autumn, Sawsbuck has toned down in his lady-attracting swagger, and now sports a droopy mahogany canopy. It's alright, I guess, but I prefer my Fall to be vibrant shades of orange and red. Decent effort, though.

Authum: 6/10


winter brings chills, and the loss of leaves. Sawsbuck somehow retains its Grass typing instead of switching over to Normal/Ice (which would've been badass) and that always throws me off. I like how it grew a white winter coat though. Shit looks classy as hell, I'd definitely lead a winter-solstice hunt of that white stag.

Winter: 7/10





Overall: 5/10

No. 585: Deerling

I named mine Vivaldi


Deerling comes in four flavors, one for each season, which changes monthly in Pokemon-world. This sounds cool, but actually it's just kinda pointless and serves as a reminder for how pointless the seasons are in the game.

Aside from graphical changes, there's practically only Winter and Not-winter. In the former, snow piles up and things freeze over and some more areas are accessible, also in some routes you can catch more Ice-types. In Not-winter, some areas that would be snowed in are accessible, also you find regular Pokemon.

Of course, your ferris wheel date changes every season, and some other things too, but it's all fairly pointless. Just like how the day/night system ends up not really mattering unless you want to catch Ledyba at some time other than the morning, the seasonal changes end up negligible.

For Pokemon with multiple forms I've reviewed each one, but for Deerling it's just green, pink, brown, and orange. The base design itself looks cute, but they obviously saved their creativity for when Bambi grows up.


Overall: 4/10

No. 584: Vanilluxe

what's cooler than being cool? Ice Cold!

I can't hear ya! I say what's, what's cooler than being cool? Ice Cold!!

so, my American buddies might not know this, but when I was in Europe I got ice cream that came like this in a double-wide cone, with two scoops side by side, instead of a hefty cone and two scoops stacked on top. So, such a frozen delight does exist.

but I have to say, I like my snowman idea better. To make things worse, the one of the left is the exact same. Which in a way makes sense, but it's kinda friggin' lazy. Weezing isn't just Koffing with another head, it's an uglier head with a second, ugly head. The straw-thing is supposed to be like a wafer-tube they stick in the ice cream (in real life), and it's apparently puffing out icy fog, which is neat.

So, I really want to like Vanilluxe, but it really isn't all that great. I almost wish I could turn around and say the haters were right, but they aren't, either. It's just a fun idea that nearly worked, but the supreme laziness of just adding onto the old sprite kills the potential. freezes it in its tracks, you might say.


Overall: 6/10

No. 583: Vanillish

the "large scoop" sizing

logical evolution, you can say that much. Now the cone is fully defined, he's got even more frozen chunks, but there's something off about that facial expression. Maybe it's the dead-eyed stare? or maybe it's the mouth, drooling slightly? dude why do you want to eat yourself that biz is nasty.

so, according to the comments last time, the evolutions is where this line goes wrong. but, I'm not really seeing it. I guess he looks more ice-crea-coney, but not only is that kinda the point, he also looks more icy.

I'll admit that that face is still unsettling for some reason, but Vanillish isn't awful at all. I also want to add how happy it makes me to have another 3-stage Ice evolution. The only other ones are Mamoswin and Walrein.


Overall: 6/10

Pokemon X and Y

It happened. It freaking happened.

In case you don't know, click on this fine link.

that's right, Pokemon is coming to 3DS, coming to fully-3D world instead of sprites, coming to EVERYWHERE in october, and coming with a whole new generation of Pokemon for me too review.

Looks like I won't be out of a job for a while, huh?



Preliminary knee-jerk judgement of new Pokemon shown

I can't tell what Chespin is supposed to be, he looks stupid.
Fennekin looks super generic, like the kind of thing I'd find on Route 3.
Froakie looks the best out of the three, but even he's a little boring.
Y-dragon looks kinda neat, I hope it'll be named Y-vern or something.
X-deer looks amazingly badasses, dude has swords for legs, that's crazy crap, this guy alone might decide which version I'm getting.

what do you guys think? is Gen 6 off to a good start?

No. 582: Vanillite

I can already feel the comments section writhing.


See, I like Vanillite. I know it's become the poster child of the Why Gen 5 is the Worst arguments, being "just a goddamn freaking ice cream cone with eyes jesus hell", but I don't see it that way.

I think it's adorable and delicious. It looks just as "natural" as Snorunt or Rotom, which is to say not very, but it doesn't matter. And it looks more "alive" than Bronzor or Baltoy, more animated and possessing intelligence and possibly sapience. Maybe these aren't exactly the best Pokemon to compare to, but my point is that Vanillite isn't some strange anomaly of a Pokemon. Voltorb was literally just a Pokeball with eyes.

I'm not saying it's wonderful, but I'm saying it's a solid Pokemon. The thing that redeems it is how icy it looks. Just take a peep at that frosty puffs, you know this shit is freezing. the "cone" is ice, it has ice chunks in it, and the overall coloration of white and blue suggests snow rather than vanilla ice cream. Also tiny arms. It's more than just and ice cream cone with eyes.


Also since before the 3rd Gen came out I had made up my own ice cream Pokemon, except it evolved into a snowman sitting in an ice cream cone base. so I'll admit Vanillite was a sort of dream come true.


Overall: 7/10

No. 581: Swanna

Swanna's all like "I'mma swan, bitch!"


but waitaminute, is that a feather down bra? Gamefreak, you know I don't want to think about Pokemon having breasts. Jynx, Nidoqueen, and Gorebyss already proved that. I guess it's really not very prominent, and not that big a deal, but still.

Ducklett and Swanna remind me of Wingull and Pelliper, in that they have the same typings, and each work in two kinds of birds. In real life, ducks don't grow up to be swans. But that would be awesome, and it works a lot better than a duck evolving into a bigger duck. So it turns into a sassy swan instead.

Really, it's the implied attitude that makes me like Swanna. girl looks like she won the Ms. Sassy Assy competition of 2011.


Overall: 5/10

No. 580: Ducklett

I wish the shiny sprite was full red so I could nickname is Kazooie


so, here we have another dumb birdbrain. I was about to give it credit for being at least a bird we haven't seen before, as well as being Water/Flying (instead of the unspeakable alternative) but then I remembered Psyduck and Farfetch'd. Holy hell, we've done "duck" twice before, Ducklett. Which is a shitty name, by the way. But the point is, you're actually neither impressive or original!

I do like how you find them on bridges, though. Running through their shadows and they come down to peck your eyes out, instead of bumping into them while surfing like Wingull. It makes a little bit more sense, and is a new way of finding Pokemon in the wild. I just wish that you found something other than the almost-completely-without-merit Ducklett in that manner, or else I wouldn't just dodge all the shadows I see.


Overall: 2/10