Gigantamax no. 25: Duraludon

closing the year out with the last Gigantamax form in the base game

Vanilla Duraludon already looked kinda dopey, and Gigantamax Duraludon looks even worse. Bitch turned into a skyscraper, because that's a tall metal thing, right? Imagine having to commute and go to work in an office on the 35th floor of a goddamn Pokemon. I'd be sick. I would quit my job.

It's a damn shame they went this route, because so far none of the Gigantamaxes have leaned into the "giant mecha" niche, and this would have been a prime opportunity. But instead of Mechagodzilla we got the Burj Khalifa. Is that even the tallest building in the world anymore? Depends on when you read this blog, I suppose.

Overall: 200/1000

Gigantamax no. 24: Copperajah

uh

what happened here? Cufant was cute, Copperajah was a bit blocky but fine, and now Gigantamax Copperajah is this Super Paper Mario looking dipshit. Useless arms, immobile legs, body like a building block. Meanwhile, its trunk looks like one of those giant excavation machines, which would be cool but it's attached to this Thwomp of a pachyderm.

This shouldn't have been a hard one to get right! Elephants are known for being big, that's kind of their entire deal. Just build off everything that makes an elephant iconic and go from there, but instead it's an awkward bipedal suitcase with a waterslide stuck to the front. Why didn't they at least extend the back out further and get its other legs on the ground? Why did it have to be so TALL instead of also allowed to be LONG?

Unbalanced, unaesthetic, undesirable, unbelievably stupid.

Overall: 100/1000

Gigantamax no. 23: Alcremie

How come ladies don't jump outta cakes on your birthday anymore? And how'd they get in there, anyway?

It's neat how Gigantamax Alcremie takes elements from all the various Alcremie flavors and toppings, to combine into a giant ziggurat of a cake, upon which the main body is perched. From upon its altar, the icon of frosted sweetness metes out judgement upon the righteous and sinful alike, smothering them in sugary cream.

I can't tell if I just made myself scared, or hungry.

Overall: 900/1000

Gigantamax no. 22: Grimmsnarl

bow down before a true mon ami

Gigantamax Grimmsnarl is absolutely awesome. Let's get that out of the way first. Those proportions read like Lordgenome's Lazengann, and I think it's really neat how the red linework stands out with his black hairy body.

To make it even better, did you know he has a freakin' drill kick? Reminds me of a Skullgirls character,it's beyond sick. His special attack animation is this smug "begone with you, tiresome worm" gesture that he's doing in the artwork. It's a ton of personality conveyed via animations, when most Gigantamax Pokemon just kinda... stomp around and roar. But Gigantamax Grimmsnarl is too cool for that.

Somebody put this guy in Pokken 2, I don't care if you have to scale him down. In fact, I'll just rip off his design and put him into my own fighting game, with even more shape-shifting moves using that coat of hair.

Overall: 10/10

Gigantamax no. 21: Hatterene

remember earlier in this year when everyone was deliriously horny for the big vampire girl in Resident Evil 8?

Doesn't that seem like an eternity ago, now? What the hell was this year

anyway, Gigantamax Hatterene may LOOK like a big soft mommy but her actual body is quite small. Well, the whole thing is huge, so maybe her true body is now just regular-Pokemon sized? Point is, everything else is some sort of hair/tentacle/shell apparatus.

I kinda like the triple-tentacle style as an evolution over a single "hand", though.

Overall: 600/1000

Gigantamax no. 20: Centiskorch

fruit by the foot

I loved Centiskorch. and Gigantamax Centiskorch is just the same, but longer. Which also makes it awesome. When you scale up a "long" Pokemon like this, it makes sense to increase the length more than would be proportional. The red-hot underbelly is sick, but really there's not any new design ideas here.

Still, this is another one I would have been fine to see as the final evolution of the line (although not as large, obviously), and it looks like a terrifying road of flames come to life. Elder Centipede up in this bitch!

Overall: 1000/1000

Gigantamax no. 19: Toxtricity

Merry Christmas! Your present this year - THRASH METAL

looking like a monster from a Studio Trigger anime, Gigantamax Toxtricity has some big shoes to fill. Toxtricity was one of my favorite from the generation, and its kaiju form kinda fumbles the bag. I don't like it when they go back to quadrupedal, and while I understand that its tail is meant to look like a radio tower I don't think emphasizing the diaper is the element you should still be carrying from Toxel.

The wild eyes and tongue are fun, and it does a good job incorporating the yellow and blue from both forms of Toxtricity. It's not bad. Just not as awesome as it could be.

Many of these Gigantamax have another piece of artwork, depicting them in action, and I've ignored them because I don't think Gigantamax as a concept deserves that amount of respect. But I'll make an exception for this, because Gigantamax Toxtricity smashing shit with its electric guitar is so radical that it kinda redeems the whole thing for me.

Overall: 700/1000

Gigantamax no. 18: Sandaconda

And a viper in a sand tree!

Regular Sandaconda sucks. Gigantamax Sandaconda is much better. I like the connection between gunslinging rattlesnake and Texas tornado. And a snake-tornado with a gun? Brother, there's nothing scarier.

I just think it should have been a normal evolution, even replacing Sandaconda, because at that size the gun-nose is kinda pointless. How can it shoot anything on the ground, it can't even see down below that ring of dust! Didn't really think this one out, did they.

Overall: 800/1000

Gigantamax no. 17: Appletun & Flaaple

Two apple drakes

Both Appletun and Flaaple have the same Gigantamax form, and that feels kinda lazy. Isn't the whole point that they're different? I guess they get different G-Moves, but I don't care.

I think you could take this version, scale it down, and use it as a base form instead of Applin. That's neat, but not a very good look for something that's supposed to be this big monster super-form. But it's actually different from its other forms, instead of just "gets bigger", so points? 

Overall: 500/1000

Gigantamax no. 16: Coalossal

Three king coals

Gigantamax Coalossal looks like a Super Mario Galaxy level. The kind that's also a boss fight, where you climb up the monster's mountain body hitting weak points until you defeat it and claim the star at the peak.

And it just feels thematically right to have this giant, coal-powered fortress belching smoke into the sky. Turning the precarious pile of embers into hardened magma really works, too. I like this one!

Overall: 800/1000

Gigantamax no. 15: Drednaw

Four chomping turtles

yeah this one sucks. Surprisingly, not many Gigantamax forms are outright embarrassments, but Gigantamax Dreadnaw is embarrassment enough for all of them. its pathetic legs can't even touch the ground, and its face has withdrawn so far into that foreskin of a neck it can't bite anything anymore. Usually I like to see jaggedy elements like its rocky shell, but I hate Drednaw so instead all I feel is scorn.

I can't believe they thought this was really good enough to make the signature Pokemon for one of the Gym Leaders. Nessa deserves much better.

Overall: 100/1000

Gigantamax no. 14: Orbeetle

FIVE GOLDEN ORBS

It's weird that the U.S. Navy basically confirmed that they've seen UFOs (or UAPs as they're apparently called nowadays) and the president got so spooked he created a Space Force, and the general response from the public was "ok"

like, I know we've been busy with a lot of terrible shit lately, but it feels a bit like that should have been bigger news? Or at least more worth questioning why we need to put astronauts with guns out there?

Gigantamax Orbeetle is an extension of Orbeetle's design, but while I liked that one I think they needed to fully abandon the "body" to make this work. Simply use Orbeetle's face on the front of the UFO body, and leave it at that. Having useless limbs dangling in front just looks silly.

And I still think they could just make a dedicated UFO Pokemon instead of merging concepts like this...

Overall: 400/1000

Gigantamax no. 13: Corviknight

Six crows a-cawing

I feel bad for crows, their scientific name of Corvidae kinda got dragged through the mud by a certain lethal pandemic. I'm glad I did my review of the original Corviknight before that went down, so I don't have any cringey jokes to look back on. Instead, I'm making this cringey joke now. anyway

I can't tell what happened to justify this as Gigantamax? It's bigger and has pink highlights? it has Bits/Funnels like a Gundam, which is kinda cool, but that doesn't seem like it's worth becoming giant for. Just do a homing projectile attack.

Overall: 400/1000

Gigantamax no. 12: Melmetal

Seven metals melting

Okay this one goes hard. I'm a huge fan of big shoulders and big ol' punchy fists. I think you could slightly adjust the proportions and pass this off as a 3rd-stage evolution. Call it Meltyblud or something, idk

Gigantamax Melmetal would also work as a kaiju, I can imagine it attacking an Electric plant and hacking it to shut off all the power. And using its mercurial bits to ooze around people and absorb them. And then when they think they killed it... all the nuts fall to the ground, but the metal escapes, and re-forms using something else as its base!

Overall: 1000/1000

Gigantamax no. 11: Garbodor

Eight turds a-stinking

There's a precedent for gigantic trash monsters, look no further than Hedorah. Gigantamax Garbodor, though, confuses me. It's gigantic, but how come the things its sucked up are all toys? I can see the Substitute doll in there, even. But that makes the scale weird, because it's not actually big enough to have real buildings and cruise ships in it, but it's clearly too big for those to be toy-sized items. That ship has to be the size of a Subaru Outback. What's going on here?

They had an idea, but got too cutesy with it, and then forgot about how it would actually look in practice. Plus I still hate Garbodor, in general.

Overall: 200/1000

Gigantamax no. 10: Snorlax

Nine roads a-blocking

Like that island on the back of a turtle that Sinbad famously docked at, I imagine people get tricked by Gigantamax Snorlax all the time. They see a nice hill, with delicious berries growing from a tree, and climb it. Only too late do they realize they've just ascended the belly of a slumbering beast, who soon awakens to devour them all.

actually, where's my Gigantamax Torterra? That's the O.G. "walking garden". Now I'm slightly mad.

Overall: 700/1000

Gigantamax no. 9: Eevee

Ten foxes evolving

It's still a little weird to me that we all decided that Eevee was an icon and mascot for the series on par with Pikachu. I know it's popular (or rather, its evolutions are popular) and Gary used one in the anime, but really? Kinda feels like fabricated hype. On the other hand, Pikachu is literally just a random early-game Pokemon that got lucky, whereas Eevee feels "important" due to being unique in-game and its myriad evolutions can be seen as symbolic of the potential to train whatever Pokemon you want.

I'm talking about all this because there's basically nothing to say about Gigantamax Eevee. It's a big fluffy Eevee. The clouds are circling its ear, instead of acting as a halo? I'm sorry, I know I swore to stop talking about those clouds.

Overall: 600/1000

Gigantamax no. 8: Lapras

Eleven sea monsters surfing

Not much different here, is there? Just kinda a bigger Lapras with an icy barrier and slightly different shell. I think they definitely could have done more hear, like made icicles on the shell, or made the shell into a castle, something.

Do you think the ice crystals on that barrier are intended to look like musical notes? What melody would that be even, doesn't look like Megalovania or the ones from Close Encounters.

Nothing much happens here, but at least it doesn't ruin Lapras in any way.

Overall: 500/1000

Gigantamax no. 7: Kingler

Twelve crabs a-crawling

Gigantamax Kingler put on his Santa beard, how festive! Just don't think about how it's actually bubbles made from his own spit. Shoutouts to making your own beard out of shampoo foam in the bath as a kid, btw. 

Also disturbing - are those TEETH in its claws? like, just big freaking molars??? sweet Christ. and if they aren't teeth, the only other thing that occurs to me is that it's like raw crabmeat somehow poking through the shell. Which is also highly disturbing, it's like a giant enemy crab that grew its own weak spots you can hit for massive damage.

Big crabs could be cool, but this one has a silly beard and upsetting teeth/flesh inside its claws. I'm shuddering.

Overall: 200/1000

Gigantamax no. 6: Gengar

scary shit yo

What is it with these supplemental Gengar forms and clipping into the floor? Was that a key element in the original Gengar's charm that escaped my notice? I mean sure he's a ghost and floats through floors, but I always saw him as more "solid" and "bouncing around".

Gigantamax Gengar looks like an evil funhouse, where you walk through the mouth/door and enter a nightmarish mirror world of headless clowns. Or at least, that's my recurring childhood nightmare. Not sure about the rest of y'all.

but wait - if this form is already so tall, what about the rest of him? Does it work like an iceberg, is there more under the floor? We could be looking at the largest Gigantamax Pokemon ever, if his true size could be confirmed.

Overall: 600/1000

Gigantamax no. 5: Machamp

imagine the size of that title belt

Machamp feels like a good choice to turn into a kaiju, plus his crest reminds me of Ultraman a bit. But I'm disappointed by the fact that he doesn't grow any more arms, he just puts on pants and gets Cheeto dust all over his hands.

like, Machamp is still really cool, and a giant version that's basically the same is also still really cool, but it feels like they barely even tried here.

Overall: 500/1000

Gigantimax no. 4: Meowth

Longcat is looooooooooooooooooooong

Here's another silly one, and again, I can't bring myself to muster up the usual level of disdain I reserve for Gamefreak's sense of humor. Maybe it's because those mid-2000s years on the internet were formative for me, and I'll always appreciate Nobiko (RIP) and her contributions to internet culture. But I like this one, too.

The way Meowth is SO tall it pierces through the clouds is great, too. I'll stop harping about those clouds now, because it's a continual design flaw in all of them, but what can you do. At least Gigantamax Meowth can use them to deodorize his armpits or something.

Overall: 800/1000

Gigantamax no. 3: Pikachu

I'm doing all the Gigantamax Pokemon from the base game first, THEN the ones included via DLC, in case it wasn't clear.

They finally heard you! All those Gen-wunners, nostalgic for old Pikachub artwork where he was a fat lil' bean, your wishes have been heard. And for once, I like this joke. It's a fun way to acknowledge the change in design for one of the world's most iconic characters. I even like how his tail becomes an accordion of zig-zags, echoing every 7-year-old tasked with drawing Pikachu from memory, using only crayons and construction paper.

Orienting the clouds around his tail almost works this time, too. That thing is clearly generating intense electric currents, makes sense storm clouds would be gathering around it. A shame that when it moves, the clouds stay the exact same shape and size and tilt in their orbit to match the tail, instead of acting like, you know, clouds.

But yeah, this is honestly one of my favorite Gigantamax forms because it's a fun joke that gets to STAY a fun joke - I can rest easy knowing it's not gonna stick around. I think I would have been more receptive to the jokier Mega Evolutions if I knew they weren't going to be a forever-thing.

Overall: 900/1000

Galarian Darmanitan

GORILLA TACTICS

No matter the region, this line stays winning. Galarian Darmanitan seems more chill (hah) than the OG, covering up that manic grin with a Santa Claus beard, and the flaming eyebrows with a wobbly afro. When viewed from behind, it makes the visual impression of a snowman, which is kinda nice I guess but feels a bit unnecessary considering the Zen Form this time is LITERALLY a snowman. So I would've done something else with the head, maybe just big frosty brows?

But still, it's a good design. and I appreciate the ability to turn off your brain and return to Monke with its ability, powering up a move but locking you into using ONLY that move. This can be combined with Choice Scarf to make it a goddamn terror.

But that's not all! The Zen Form gimmick returns, although I don't know if it's better than simply brute forcing things with Gorilla Tactics. But it does solve some problems the original had - this Zen mode still procs when at 50% HP, but it makes Galarian Darmanitan faster and even stronger, instead of reducing speed and swapping its primary damage statlines. And it becomes the series' first Ice/Fire type, which is neat!

I think the design is almost good, but the flaming carrot nose is positioned just a bit too high up between the "eyes", looking like a horn instead of the nose. Nice to see the psychotic grin return, though.

All in all, no matter how you look at it, Galarian Darmanitan is a lot of fun to use and kick ass.

Overall: 10/10

Galarian Darumaka

a holly jolly fellow

I liked regular Darumaka. I like Galarian Darumaka. Both are two sides of a coin, chili vs chilly. I like how the artwork depicts them with dancing on the other foot, and how the Galarian version is making the opposite expression. He's less mischievous-grin, more concerned-grimace.

But this design is so good, it looks like it could be the original version of the Pokemon. Some regional forms are clearly playing on your expectations based on the original, but Galarian Darumaka just takes all the same solid design principles and applies them through a lens of ice, rather than fire. Well done.

Overall: 8/10

Galarian Stunfisk

"oh you missed some pokemon, oh you spelled Gigantamax wrong, oh you messed up your new scale" Look, who's writing this site, you or me!? Don't make me turn this blog around! (I joke, thank you for pointing out all the dumb mistakes I make)

It feels like every few generations, they have to create "mimic" Pokemon that look like a Pokeball in the overworld (and thus an item), but when you go to pick it up, they attack you. Voltorb, Foongus, and now Galarian Stunfisk. I'm calling it now - next time will be an anglerfish.

anyway, this guy's neat. I think it works better than normal Stunfisk, because the idea of a bear-trap makes more sense than a hidden electric pad or whatever. I think the green spots are meant to imitate footprints, to help it look safe. Although you can't even see them from the overworld.

Only weird thing is, the Mimicry ability changes its type based on the Terrain applied to the battle, but it doesn't really learn any terrain-changing moves! I guess it's for doubles?

Overall: 7/10

Gigantamax no. 2: Butterfree

the poor man's Mothra

can we talk about how when your Pokemon gets gigantic that's called "Dynamax", but when it gets gigantic AND dynamically changes into a new form that's called "Gigantamax? Like, what the hell? It's as bad as Kingdom Hearts, where when a person splits, their body (without its heart) is called a "Nobody", but their heart (without its body) is called a "Heartless".

anyway, this is literally just Butterfree but with bigger wings. I guess the green shimmer is nice? and ironically the proportions are closer to real-life butterflies. By the way, now that I pointed it out, I can't stop noticing the cloud halo in every one of these things and I think I honestly despise it. Feels like someone drew them as part of the concept art once, people thought they were a solid physical aspect of each design.

Like, are the clouds what make them big? How come they grow giant and THEN the clouds form overhead, then? I hate it.

Overall: 400/1000

Gigantamax no. 1: Charizard

You didn't think I'd leave you again, did you? Just a week break, and we're back at it.

First off, let's talk about the entire concept of Gigantamax and Dynamax as a whole. In a word, it sucks. In more words, it's yet another attempt to breathe life into a fossilized battle system by introducing huge once-per-battle power-ups, replacing Mega Evolutions and Z-Moves. But each of these make a crucial error - the battle system is, actually, fine. It doesn't need to be spiced up with big ugly dipshits that slow down the pace with lengthy cinematic attacks, because the main game is ALREADY easy enough.

And from a competitive perspective, although I can't really speak for that crowd, as I understand there's plenty of depth to the meta. And each game builds on this by introducing new Pokemon with type combinations, moves, and abilities. It's like Yugioh trying to sustain itself by making up new Extra Deck summoning mechanics - except Pokemon, mercifully, doesn't stack Gigantamax on top of the previous systems. On the other hand, since it replaces them, that kinda reveals how extraneous they were, doesn't it?

As for the designs themselves, it's tough to compare them on the same scale as normal Pokemon. A huge component to all these designs is just "him big" and as a result the artwork is set at this upwards perspective, making Charizard's head appear comically tiny here.

with all that said, If you're going to turn Pokemon into kaiju, Charizard is a logical choice. I like the flaming wings. The design is fine, but once you see it in-game, it gets a whole lot worse. The model makes the baffling decision to have a plume of fire constantly sticking out of Charizard's mouth - which doesn't billow like flame, but waves in the wind like a tongue.

And can we talk about that little circle of clouds? With most of the Pokemon, it appears like a halo around their highest point (usually the head). Obviously this is intended to imitate a gathering storm, just some epic clouds. The problem is that the clouds aren't actual particle effects, they're a static object that's parented to the Pokemon's limb - meaning it shakes around when that body part moves, defying physics and ruining the entire effect. With Charizard, it's on his tail, and constantly moving.

Overall: 300/1000 (gotta use a bigger scale)

Galarian Moltres

like a phoenix from the ashes

OH YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! Moltres was the weakest of the Kanto trio, but Galarian Moltres is the best of the new generation. And that's saying something, as the other two are quite good as well!

But you just can't beat the godlike color scheme of Brett "The Hitman" Hart, especially not when it's all on fire like that. Honestly this thing barely resembles Moltres anymore, with the hooked beak, but that's fine because Moltres was a big dumb chicken and Galarian Moltres is some avenging spirit of flaming majesty.

Overall: 10/10

Galarian Zapdos

remember when the Australians lost a war to some emus?

Zapdos was my favorite of the original trio, but the same isn't true for Galarian Zapdos. That's not to say he's bad, simply that the others got even better in Galar. Putting this one on the ground is a bold choice, and required playing with the proportions more than the rest - strong legs, big tail to balance out for the small wings. Which works, for the most part. Being the first Flying/Fighting is a nice distinction, too.

And while I think I still like original Zapdos better, Galarian Zapdos still kicks ass. I regret giving the o.g. a mere 8 back then, because that's where I'd place the revamp, and I'd like to show some difference. Alas, I'm not so cowardly as to go back and edit my old review scores for internal consistency.

Overall: 8/10

Galarian Articuno

mag freaking neato

Speaking of villains, Galarian Articuno looks like another boss. Never seen a bird cross its arms and hover menacingly before, but he's pulling it off. And he shoots laser beams from his eyes! I think Galarian takes on the Legendary Birds was a great idea, and I hope the next game does the same for the Legendary Dogs.

I wasn't too keen on the original Articuno, so this new form being so sick is a welcome improvement.

Overall: 9/10

Galarian Slowking

oh he EVIL evil

goddamn I love this. the Shellder has assumed control of Slowking, and turned him into a 70s anime villain. You can just imagine this guy commanding his legions of mooks to attack the heroes as he plots to steal the moon or blow up North America.

I even like how he's not fully purple, to show that this is a poison infecting the body, which is left as a puppet. If you remove the cursed helmet, maybe Slowpoke can be saved. But likely, even after learning his tragic backstory, he'll have to die when his flying gunship explodes.

See, this is just the right amount of goofiness for me. He's a badass evil mastermind, even though he's still sort of a dumpy pink hippo-thing.

Overall: 10/10

Galarian Slowbro

Metroid Dread was mad good btw

I like how Slowbro is looking at the Shellder on his arm like "this can't be good"

except it IS good! Arm cannons rock. And since we already have a split evolution if Slowpoke gets bit on its tail or head, makes sense that biting other parts leads to other evolutions. Curiously, though it only got bit on one hand, the poison appears to be spreading to its other hand as well, not to mention its head and tail. But those were already discolored before, so whatever.

Pokedex tells me it's causing a "chemical reaction" with the "natural spices" inside Galarian Slowbro's body, and that sounds like as good an explanation as anything that happens in these games.

Overall: 8/10

Galarian Slowpoke

boneless slowpoke

hey, what if I dipped your Slowpoke in some honey mustard sauce? would he lose his Water typing somehow? maybe his tail would taste better?

idk what you want from me, this shit is lazy as hell

Overall: 2/10

Galarian Weezing

and an epic bacon mustache waffle to you too, good sir! *tips hat*

Gamefreak has this idea that when you make something really tall, it gets really funny. Except I'm not laughing. It was dumb as hell for Alolan Executor, and Galarian Weezing is dumb as hell, too.

I don't appreciate this Doug Dimmadome (owner of the Dimsdale Dimmadome) looking bastard and his smoggy mustache, which you must realize is just putrid gas hanging around his face. Think about that. Euugh.

I think the literal stovepipe hats don't have to be a silly concept, and you could probably design a whole Pokemon line around that. Some sort of Poison/Steel factory robot mech? instead, we have British Cosplay Weezing, who is part Fairy because who knows anymore

Overall: 1/10

Galarian Rapidash

the last unicorn

Rapidash was already a unicorn, but its Galarian form is REALLY a unicorn. And it's finally part Fairy, which seems like it should have been there from the start and only picked up a Psychic sub-type upon evolution, but.

I usually like those trailing things on hooves, but in this case they look like they get in the way of the already drag-on-the-floor-long mane and tail. And I liked the cotton candy better, anyway. But I admit I am not the target demographic: manchildren in their 30s little girls. That's the intended market for My Little Pony, right? It's so easy to forget...

Overall: 6/10

Galarian Ponyta

Friendship is magic

Look, it's Ponyta, but with even cuter proportions, and fluffy cotton-candy hair. This one was a slam-dunk, hard to screw it up. Put a horn on it, now your pretty pony is a magical unicorn, easy.

Wait, why's it Psychic? not Fairy?

huh???

Overall: 8/10

No. 898: Calyrex

There's nothing scarier than a poorly-designed Pokemon.

I can't quite believe what I'm about to write, but I can't quite believe what I'm seeing, either.

I have a new least-favorite Pokemon.

Dunsparce was awful, we've been over that. I'm not coming around on it or anything. But Calyrex is just so offensively terrible in every single way that it's overpowering my two-decades-long feud with the Dunce.

Where to begin? How about at the top, with this ginormous oversized bomb fruit braincel noggin. Maybe it's supposed to be a crown, but it looks like a swollen egg sac from a Metroid enemy. Then below that, we have the most serious face in the world, a real Princess Mononoke deer-god snuggled right in between the aforementioned balloon and what appear to be Akuma's prayer beads but with the Triforce on them.

Already this sounds nightmarish, but it gets worse. Basic stubby body, basic bitch arm flaps, then LONG ASS SLENDERMAN TOOTHPICK LEGS. No feed, just thigh-highs. And this royal piece of shit has the audacity to pose with one arm out like "whoosh" like he did something. There's a little cape or wings or whatever but NO, fuck you dude.

I mocked up some suggestions that don't completely save this wretched thing, but are at least improvements on whatever bullshit concept they had going on. Version 1 just downsizes stuff so he's still a weird little serious gremlin, the second leans into the "what the fuck" factor for maximum weirdness. I would still hate both of these, but I wouldn't feel the outright revulsion I do when I look at actual Calyrex.

And then, to make things even worse, this Little Lord Fuckleroy has the nerve to mount those glorious steeds Glastrier and Spectrier, and ride them like he thinks he's Napoleon.

I despise this with every fiber of my being. It's a sin and a crime. I'm going to fly to Gamefreak's house and beat them up.

Overall: -1/10

12th anniversary

It's a little early to celebrate 12 years, but its my birthday today, so. I won't say the actual number, but it's a momentous age that really makes me want to put my life in order, you know?

knowing it was coming up gave me the drive to get back in the saddle. I'm gonna finish up these Galarian goons, and then we need to review the Gigantimax forms, wrap-up the generation, review the 8th gen trainers and gym leaders, and by then Arceus: Legends will be out and that'll bring some more new Pokemon...

I also took this time to update the archives and fix all the broken images and tags, migrating from Bulbapedia to Pokemondb as the main source because they're less likely to screw their urls up for no reason. Hopefully this leads to more archive views, now that the pictures are back!

Let me know if you notice anything else needs fixing, and thanks for sticking with NAPACE all these years.

No. 897: Spectrier

Wasn't one of the beta Legendary Dogs kinda like this?

Holy shit, ANOTHER gem. Again, it's a simple concept, but one that hasn't been done before in Pokemon (spooky horse), and without anything to distract from the excellent design elements. I think it's cool how the hair tapers off into transparency, kinda like Dragapult's tail.

But the mane (hah) thing here is those hooves! Spectral hooves, disconnected from the leg itself, leaving a trail of purple ghost-smoke... it doesn't get any cooler than that. I love how it looks like it's floating, just by standing still. A great contrast with the exceptionally-solid Glastrier. I want to think that Spectrier doesn't leave hoofprints when it gallops through the night, straight into the nightmares of every young child of Galar.

Overall: 10/10

No. 896: Glastrier

 this ain't no chilly filly

okay but this is another one I would have TOTALLY been fine with getting a full evolutionary line for! Could have been a Galarian Rapidash, even.

 I love those big stompin' hooves, and the frozen helm. I'll be honest, I didn't come here expected to like Glastrier as much as I do, but damn I do. It's a simple design (ice horse!) but that means there's no extra bullshit going on. Feels like a throwback to the early days. It's a crying shame what's in his future...

Overall: 10/10

No. 895: Regidrago

 a dragon about to chomp a pill

Maybe 985 Pokemon deep is too late to question what makes "being a dragon" an element in the same way that Fire, Water, Rock, and the rest are. Oh well. Regidrago's name rolls off the tongue better, but still breaks the "rules" and doesn't use the literal type name.

The colors are good, the problem is that the design is kinda goofy. Dude looks like one of those Beast Wars Transformers, except he's missing his own head and limbs. So he's just a torso with big floating shoulder pads. Oh, and two little stumps, because why not. I'm not a huge fan. 

Overall: 3/10

No. 894: Regieleki

 I feel sorry for any blind person who tries to read the Braille on this sparkplug

So, since the Eeveelution well is apparently run dry, we now turn to the Regis. Remember them? Ancient golems of various hard materials? Well, now here's one made out of fucking lightning.

What really gets me is the name - before, the English translation adapted the Japanese names literally, except since Regiice would look weird, they removed the i, so it's "Reg-ice" instead of "Regi-ice" like in Japanese. That breaks the pattern of the others and I hate it, but what did they do here? The opposite! Instead of "Reg-eleki" it's "Regi-eleki".

As I said about Regice, why not Regifrost or something? And here, how about Regivolt? You didn't even use the actual type's name anymore! "Eleki" is already different from "Electric" so why not go all the way and change it to something that flows better!?

The design is fine, like a big light-bulb with electricity coming out of it, but I'm too tilted by the name and bastardization of the original Regi concept to care.

Overall: 2/10

No. 893: Zarude

 "The Rude"

I didn't watch the movie, so I actually don't know shit about Zarude. But he falls into that small category of Legendaries who I wish were regular Pokemon, because I can imagine the rest of their line, and I'd like to use them on my journey instead of just downloading them for the collection after I've already finished playing.

I like him a fair deal more than Rillaboom, the other Grass-type monkey in the game. He just looks more like a "monster" than a "character", you know? Those green arm-bands and give a nice weight to his forearms, and the stripes on his chest make him seem emaciated and hungry for blood. Zarude looks wicked, it's great.

Overall: 9/10

No. 892: Urshifu

 Be like water, my friend

Urshifu has a Akira Yuki tstsuzanko going on, and looks pretty badass. I like the studded knuckles, and again the bandanna. Hey, does he have a little bit of chin fuzz going on? They're really swinging for the fences on the bear market, huh.

Now, there's two forms for Urshifu. Single Strike was that first one, and now Rapid Strike. Basically it's Bajiquan vs Tai Chi, as far as styles are concerned. Note how the designs are actually the same, it's just that in Single Strike all the fur is rising up, whereas in Rapid Strike it's flowing down. Kinda neat, but makes it odd you get hard locked into one form or the other, without being able to swap. (for the record, I like Single Strike more) 

Overall: 8/10