Nanu of Ula'ula Island

[anime villain voice]: NANU!?


Nanu's cheekbones have exactly as much definition on his face as his nose does, which would be frightening in real life. He also has the sunken eyes of a man who stopped caring about anything a long while ago. He ran out of shits to give so long ago, he's forgotten what a shit even looks like. Nanu's primary motivation in the game is simply to get all these young kids off his lawn, both Team Skull and the player. He just wants you gone, so he can get back to drinking away the pain in peace.

Notice that he's the only Kahuna you can't battle in the postgame, because he did the bare minimum required to fulfill his obligations and then fucked off.

As such, I love him to bits, and I think his design is pretty cool, too. Reminds me of an Advance Wars CO.


Overall: 9/10

Olivia of Akala Island

luv me some Beyonzo

How in the world has this woman not managed to land herself a man? It would be one thing if she just had super-high standards, but from the game it seems like she's bizarrely unpopular? Talk about immersion-breaking.

Anyway, I'm surprised they hadn't made the connection between a Rock-specialist and jewelry, but it makes a lot of sense. I'd like to see more jewel-like Rock types myself, instead of gray-brown granite uggos. But that's beside the point, and the point is that Olivia is awesome.

See, this is how you color-coordinate a pink/brown outfit, Ilima. Take notes, child, the queen is teaching. She rocks that outfit but good, the accessories are on point, and she got legs longer than an Alolan Exeggutor. (Not an Alolan Exeggutor's legs, I mean, I was comparing them to the overall body length, and by "them" I mean her legs, and you know what? I'll stop there.)


Overall: 10/10

Hala of Melemele Island

*pours one out for Bruddah Iz*

Remember how people thought that Lusamine was gonna turn into Pheromosa and Lilie was Nihilego? Then they tried to come up with further justifications why the other UBs would be people as well? And Hala was supposed to be Guzzlord? Boy, people are stupid.

Anyway, I like Hala. He's got a cool grandpa vibe to him, like you can tell he used to be a rockin' badass back in the day, but now he's mellowed out. He grew a gut from all that easy living, but he could still whip your ass if he catches you misbehaving.

I'm not so sure I get "Fighting" from him, though. But the contrast between him and the Trial Captains is good, reminds you that this is the Kahuna, he's on another level.

Bonus question: What's up with Fighting gym leaders being islanders? Brawly, Chuck, and now Hala. (I realize everyone in Sun/Moon is an islander, shut up)


Overall: 7/10

Mina of Poni Island

dude weed lmao

Mina is stoned out of her gourd 100% of the time, and I'm not ruling out paint fumes as the culprit. Look how she painted her face - clearly with a wide swing of the spray can, such that it even got her hair in there, too. Or maybe she was attempting a mustache, but got it over the bridge of the nose by mistake? It's possible.

And I have to say, Mina not even having a trial, and everything else about Poni island, made it really feel like an afterthought from Gamefreak. Which is like, what the shit, that's my home, that's Kaua'i. The Garden Isle. And you made it a deserted canyon? And now in USUM there's some crazy evil cloud over it? I don't like it! Not one bit!

At least Mina has some comfy-looking shoes, but honestly I wouldn't trust her with a paint bucket, much less an important job like Trial Captain. dopey girl can't even keep her hair out of the paint.


Overall: /10

Acerola of Ula'ula Island

who's the little girl, living in the haunted mansion~

Acerola is adorable, and I think it's a shame that she's apparently so poor she has to wear a ragged dress like that. Poor thing, she's clearly had to patch it by hand! While those Aether fatcats sit in their ivory towers and let this poverty exist. And they say Pokemon exists in a communist, post-scarcity utopia world...

But I guess it works, because it's a great look for her! She's the fourth female, Ghost-themed major trainer we've had, but keeps it fresh. I really enjoyed her trial, too. And being the only Trial Captain invited to the Elite Four means she's like the strongest of them, right? Only held back from being Kahuna due to age, perhaps?


Overall: 10/10

Sophocles of Ula'ula Island

I hate you for ruining the online interaction system that worked so perfectly in XY with your dumb Festival Plaza bullshit

what kind of business does any little kid have being named Sophocles? Who the hell does he think he is? Tubby little Chunk from The Goonies piece of shit, messy bed hair having fatass bitch. Ain't no philospher.

Get outta here with that Pikachu tail scarf, you live on a damn tropical island, why do you need a scarf? And his legs are so stubby you can't tell if he's wearing shorts or pants. And that unibrow pissed me off, I wanna shave the middle so badly, that bump in the middle isn't natural. Actually, it makes his head look like one of those upside-down optical illusion faces:

Looking like an angry bald man with a squirtle mouth and scraggly neckbeard. Which isn't much better than his default look.


Overall: 1/10

Kiawe of Akala Island

now we're cookin with fire

My man Kiawe has the best life - living on top of a volcano, hanging out with cool ass pokemon like Alolan Marowaks and Sanaldits all day, doing sick dance moves, and generally being awesome. And look at the pose! My man is more hot-blooded than a shonen protagonist.

Also, I just have a lot of ingrained respect for fire dancers. Those guys have to train hard to master the spins and stuff without dropping the torches, plus they're expected to work out enough to look the part. Not to mention the whole "endure intense heat from live flames" thing. yeah, I know they slather their bodies with that flame-retardant stuff, but still. Kiawe gets props from me.

The only thing holding him back from a perfect score is his hair. I'm just not down with the two-tone look, I know it's supposed to be like sooty fire, but it looks like he was dying it orange but ran out of dye.


overall: 9/10

Mallow of Akala Island

damn, now I miss Super Mario RPG all of a sudden...

The second of Akala's Water-Grass-Fire trio, Mallow immediately proves herself superior to the other Grass/Cooking themed Gym Leader, Cilan (coincidentally also part of a similar trio). For starters, she doesn't have a dumb little asshole haircut. Instead, she's rocking the Shaymin. And with a cute apron+daisy dukes combo that sure as hell beats wearing a standard issue waiter suit.

Though aside from thoroughly trouncing Cilan in terms of design, personality, and not-being-a-phenomenal-waste-of-space, there's not much to say about Mallow. She's just fine! Nothing wrong with her, but nothing terribly exciting, either.


Overall: 6/10

Lana of Akala Island

how you got such a spherical head

Something that's important to keep in mind with these Trial Captains is that they aren't professional Gym Leaders. They're explicitly kids, more like camp counselors than the adults actually in charge of anything. Nevermind the fact that we've seen some young ass kids acting as Leaders in other regions, I'm just saying we can excuse a bit of unprofessionalism in the Captain's dress.

So with that said, Lana is very nice! I like the fishing motif, with a net on her head and hook designs on her pants. Also, as I believe I've stated, I'm On Board with the "small top, big baggy pants" look. And color coordination game is on point.

The one odd thing with Lana is that there's no whites to her eyes - or perhaps she has a flesh-toned sclera? It's not weird in itself, a valid way to draw eyes, but since almost every other Pokemon character does have white around their pupils, it makes her look out of place. Again, I'm not discounting the theory that she has a massive infection of pink eye, in which case the poor girl should get some medication. Too bad the only doctor around is an insane Ric Flair/Randy Savage wannabe.


Overall: 8/10

Ilima of Melemele Island

Supersuper Smashsmash Brosbros Melemele!!

I think if you're going to have pink hair, you ought to go all the way and make it a POWERFUL shade of pink. Ilima's hair looks weak.

But more importantly, what sort of nonsense is he wearing on his hand. I'd call it a glove, but that would be using some new, exciting definition of the word. Because conventional gloves generally cover more than just 2 fingers. Or come down to the wrist. There's even a bizarre cutout for his knuckle. So if it's not a glove... what is it? Usually whenever you see weird gloves there's some archery-related explanation, because archers are pompous pricks who think their archery will suffer if anything more than the bare minimum flesh is encased in glove. But with Ilima, he's just vaguely bookish. So what business does he have wearing some skimpy ass glove!?

Look, Sun/Moon gets off to a rocky start, due to all the forced cut-scenes and handholding, and Ilima's Neo-Yokio-lookin' ass doesn't exactly make it better, is all I'm saying.


Overall: 2/10

Favorite Digimon Countdown

For October 2017, NAPACE entered some evil, mirror dimension, where the blog was about Digimon instead! Every day, I counted down my favorite Digimon.

It was a challenge to post every single day for a month, and 31 straight days of posting is actually a record for the site! Thanks for following along, and apologies to any Digi-haters who are just here for the Pokemon. I'll be back at Gamefreak's children next month, with the trainers of Sun/Moon, and the new things to come out of Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon.

Favorite Digimon #1 - HerculesKabuterimon

Honey, you mean HunkuleseKabuterimon!

As was foretold, the True King to unite the bloodlines and claim the throne. With the combined horns of the Kuwaga and Kabuto, HerculesKabuterimon is the Best Bug and by extension Best Digimon. That golden coat lets you know who's in charge, and it's this guy.

I had a little toy figure of him as a kid, and he was by far my favorite. His pose was basically identical to the one you see in the promo art, which meant that his horns were set up perfectly to squeeze other Digimon in there so he could grab and suplex them. I can't tell you how many storylines and tournaments I played out on my bedroom floor that ended with HerculesKabuterimon giving someone a thunderous vertical suplex.

He's an incredible Mushihimesama-looking badass who I'm sorry never appeared on the show (to my knowledge), but I got to use him in Cyber Sleuth and I can safely say: the boy is wild. Maybe he doesn't actually suplex people quite as often as I imagined he did, but he's still my glorious golden champion.

Now, if you ask me which do I like more - HerculesKabuterimon or Heracross? That's some Sophie's Choice bullshit, don't make me choose like that.

Favorite Digimon #2 - Togemon

I don't remember this gyroid from Animal Crossing

Y'all know I like cacti. Y'all know I like things that punch. This should come as no surprise. Togemon is one of those Digimon with a design concept and execution that's simple enough to be a Pokemon, too. I want to see Togemon fight Cacturne, just feeding him the right-lefts like bam, bam.

But I also like how it comes out in the middle of Palmon's overtly feminine, flower-based line. Cute flowers, little nymphs, then HELL YEAH ITS CACTUS TIME. MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! shame there's no variant progression to further explore the idea of a boxing cactus...

Oh, and that hollow face is unique, helps it stand out more. The dual threat of shooting needles and punching your stupid face in is useful. But at the end of the day, I think Togemon is great for two simple reasons:

1. Cactus
2. Punching

Some things defy detailed analysis.

Favorite Digimon #3 - Deputymon

I shot the Sheriffmon, but I did not shoot the Deputymon~

We talked about dual-wielding before. This hombre steps it up a notch, triple wielding those Colt .45's. Does it count as wielding if one of the guns is literally your torso? I say so.

Deputymon is such a fun design, from his 10-gallon hat to his spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle. And that obscured face. Wait a minute...

***GAME THEORY APPROACHING***

Deputymon's face is hidden in shadow, you can only see two yellow eyes. Just like Digitamamon. Could Deputymon be Digitamamon's evil twin? Could Digitamamon have killed Deputymon and pretended to wear his clothes?? Could Digimon take place in Undertale???

***GAME THEORY CONCLUDED***

He's a rootin' tootin' shootin' cowpoke who would be neat enough if he were just a normal humanoid, but the fact that he's a gun with legs who also shoots guns is so patriotic I can't help but love it.

Favorite Digimon #4 - Omnimon

aka Garurugreymon

You might have guessed by now that I'm not that big a fan of the armored knight/mecha looking Digimon. Which is a shame, because that style comprises most of the Mega tier. I don't necessarily dislike it, it's just rarely interesting to me. The huge feet and gangly limbs, usually so charming, look awkward in armor.

But Omnimon (or Omegamon, as some people insist on using the Japanese name) is so cool that the rest are just superfluous. A large part of his appeal comes from the movie - it was almost scary to see MetalGarurumon and WarGreymon, two of the strongest Digimon around, getting manhandled. So when they fused into this awesome white knight, it was surprising and glorious.

I like it when fusions retain entire chunks of the participants, so using the heads as hands is a neat twist. It's cool that he has a sword and arm cannon, means he can lay the smack down up close or from long-range, a true two-way threat.

Omnimon remains, for me, the height of what a "strongest Digimon ever" should look like. This is the Vegito of Digimon, anything beyond this is stupid and dumb and not what I grew up with so I hate it.

Favorite Digimon #5 - Beelzemon

Lord of the Flies

Let it be known that dual-wielding handguns is badass. Doing so while also being some sort of biker devil is extra badass. And being a conflicted angsty sumbitch obviously adds a final layer of badassery that makes Beelzemon my favorite actual character in all of Digimon. I may like a few other designs better, but they're not really characters like this guy is.

Look, if you weren't around for it, I don't know how much the story of Impmon would resonate with you, but the long-and-short of it is that he was mistreated by his trainer, and grew to hate humans. He also resented the other Digimon, who could digivolve and were strong. He acted like Meowth at first, just being a petty nuisance, but one time tried to step up and seriously fight an Evil Digimon, and got beat within an inch of his life. So when he was offered power, he took it. But the power went to his head, and he started enacting revenge on those he despised, even killing Leomon. But after some heartfelt words by Leomon's trainer, Beelzemon had a change of heart and basically left to go die in a ditch for his sins. However, that wasn't the end of him, and eventually he came to reconciliation with his trainers, and everyone else he had wronged and been jealous of. So he showed up to help the heroes out in the final battle, and I'm not crying I swear.

As a final note, I just wanna say that the cords plugged into his back are such a neat, pointless little detail.

Favorite Digimon #6 - Gargomon

Momentai!

First of all, I don't know why he was called Terriermon when he's clearly a rabbit, but I do know that he's one of the cutest little buggers ever.

I regret not including him earlier on the list, because he's definitely up there. But Gargomon is even MORE awesome that he overshadowed him in my mind. Sorry, Terry!

Anyway, Gargomon is just a big rabbit with gatling guns for arms and I think that's wonderful. He's even wearing pants! It's adorable. The war paint and oversized ammo bandolier further give the impression of an innocent kid dressing up to play soldier, not seriously out to shoot anybody. Except that, you know, he's got gatling guns for arms.

My favorite kind of guns are the ones with the most dakka, and Gargomon brings the dakka in spades. This is another one I had a transforming toy of, and kept him in this stage all the time because Rapidmon looks like a weird, emaciated, diaper-wearing creep. But Gargomon is someone I would trust my life with. I want to use his ears as a blanket and go to sleep. I also want him to shoot up my enemies 'til I see the daylight leaking through the other side. I don't feel these are contradictory desires.

Favorite Digimon #7 - Kabuterimon

I'm just saying, Weevil Underwood had a point. Bugs are cool.

So here's a little linguistics lesson - samurai helmets are called kabuto in Japanese, and rhinocerous beetles are named after them, called kabuto-mushi. Hence why Kabuterimon has that cool helmet. I love how it looks organic, though - and that crazy gross mouth hanging out below, no eyes - he's a scary dude. But he's a good guy! Digimon is great like that.

But the other most popular beetle is the stag beetle, or kuwagata-mushi. Hence, Kuwagamon! The bugs are often depicted as rivals, so in Digimon they have a nice contrasting blue-red color scheme going. I kinda like how Kuwagamon is depicted as this huge asshole who likes to ruin everyone's day, and low-level peeps just have to run from him. It's like the Beedrill swarms in the early episodes of Pokemon.

But I like Kabuterimon more, probably just because he had more screen time as a proper member of the cast, but they're both cool. Oh, if only there was a Digimon that merged the awesome design traits of both!!! (I hope I'm not showing my hand too much here, but that prayer will be answered)


P.S. Boomer Kuwanger in Mega Man X is named after a kuwagata beetle as well, punned-up with "boomerang". For the longest time I had no clue wtf his name was, since everyone else is just a basic English word.

Favorite Digimon #8 - SuperStarmon

All that glitters is gold / only shooting stars break the mold~

I always liked Starmon, for basically the same reasons I liked Mamemon, and the other "geometric shapes with limbs that PUNCH". Then I played Cyber Sleuth, and found out that he had a further evolution, and my mind was blown. I just wasn't ready.

You can't deny the fabulous flavor of his Evel Knievel-style outfit, complete with patriotic stars and sweet fringe, golden toes and studded knuckles, radical Kamina shades, psychic jewel in his forehead, heroic tattered Kamen Rider scarf, and most importantly - a burning soul of justice.

I can only hope they never invent a SuperDuperStarmon, or else I may pass out.

Favorite Digimon #9 - Shurimon

another wiggly arm boy

I'll be honest - I've never seen Shurimon actually appear in the anime, or any game. But I had a toy of him, and I LOVE this design. The original conception of Hitmonlee was that his legs were coiled springs, but that kinda got left by the wayside. Shurimon picks up that fumble and runs it all the way back for a touchdown.

I love the fusion of plant themes to ninja motifs, the leaf-pauldrons are genius, and of course it wouldn't be enough to simply have shuriken hands. No, this guy wanted shuriken feet too, and just in case, put a big ol' one on back, just for the hell of it.

Plus - double belts. He's a Digimon, after all. Can't leave the important bits out.

Favorite Digimon #10 - Infermon

Shoutouts to Summer Wars

While Diaboromon was the final form, I liked this one the best. I felt it maintained the virus, insect-like theme of the previous, and looks pretty sick. The way it can pull into itself and form a protective cocoon is cool, too. Reminds me of an Iron Maiden, in shape?

I picked Tsumemon earlier, due in part to his role in the movie. But while Tsumemon was more of an innocent scamp, eating data and causing problems because he's like an uncontrollable puppy, by the time it reached Infermon (warp digivolving past Champion all the way to Ultimate, which was badass but denied us Chrysalimon) he was much more malicious. And how it scuttled around, and had a cannon in its mouth, was more interesting than Diaboromon.

You know, maybe it's time I re-watch that movie. But I don't know if I can handle the topical 90's music...

Favorite Digimon #11 - Piedmon

O MY RUBBER NEN

I don't like actual clowns. The makeup is distracting and weird. As a kid, I liked it when actors would be silly goofballs, but only when the they just wore regular clothes. Real talk, Steve from Blues Clues did probably some of the best clowning of all time. The man made being dense into an art form.

And I don't really like horror-clowns, either. I admit they're creepy, but I'm just tired of it. Insane Clown Posse, Carn-Evil, John Wayne Gacy, IT, Killer Clowns from Outer Space, that movie where the guy somehow turns into a clown as if "clown" is a species and not a profession - miss me with that junk.

What I do like, however, is Japan's weird take on the clown, which they refer to by the French name, Pierrot. (Piedmon is named after the Pied Piper of Hamlin for some reason in the English version, but in Japanese he's just Piemon, obviously after pierrot.) Japan mashes it up with harlequins, jesters, and stage magicians more often that not. There's no grotesquery like the clown from Spawn, or ironic ugliness like Gamzee Makara, the designs are more slick and cool. See: Hisoka, Buggy, Harle, Dimentio, Kefka, Douke Bancho, etc.

Anyway, Piedmon clearly comes from that same school of design, and I'm all about it. I especially like how he wears his throwing swords in a cross on his back, and each one has a different suit on the hilt. The way his clothes flair at the shoulders and thighs is neat, too. Somehow those bits of puffiness exaggerate how skeletal-thin he is underneath it.

You know something else cool about Japanese clowns? They don't honk.

Favorite Digimon #12 - BlackWarGreymon

You all should've seen this coming.

I mean, there are only two kinds of Greymon better than MetalGreymon, and I did the other one last time. Skipping right over boring-ass vanilla WarGreymon and go right to my man BlackWarGreymon. Usually I despite these blatantly lazy recolors, but I cut this guy some slack because he single-handedly made Season 2 interesting again.

Season 2 was a big disappointment to me, because I didn't like any of the new kids, most of the armor forms were lame, I never liked Kairi or T.K., and the villain was a spoiled brat and then that Team Rocket wannabe mummy+spider duo... it was a mess. Then along comes BlackWarGreymon who had all this existential angst to deal with, despite being an unstoppable force of destruction who kicked ass and didn't even bother to take names. It resonated with me as a kid, though I bet the adult me would find his character simplistic and melodramatic.

But that's no issue. This list is as much a celebration of my personal nostalgia as anything else. Even regular WarGreymon is great, and I believe in fact I wrote about him before...

Favorite Digimon #13 - SkullGreymon

I didn't even plan this spookster to be the 13th, but I'll take it

Of course, as awesome as MetalGreymon is, we can improve on the concept - how about a skeleton dragon, with a goddamn living-flesh rocket torpedo? Can I get a round of 'Hell Yeah's?

I'm serious, everybody reading this needs to stop and give me a 'Hell Yeah' right now, out loud, before continuing. I'm not gonna keep writing until you do. And I don't mean a little half-assed under-your-breath, whisper-scream, either. I mean an honest 'Hell Yeah', from the gut. Okay, we good? Wait, Chris, I didn't hear you. Yes, you. There, that's better. Anyway.

SkullGreymon is radical and I love his big, scraggly tooth grin. Dude looks straight outta the margins of a talented middle schooler's notebook, just a big mess of X-treme bones and attitude. And I can't mention enough how bizarre it is that his rocket launches out of his back (MetalGreymon and Andromon shot rockets, but out of their chests like a normal person), and that rocket is somehow more fleshy than his skeletal frame. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't care, SkullGreymon is amazing.

Now how about another 'Hell Yeah'?

Favorite Digimon #14 - MetalGreymon

Somehow, this is the largest image I can find of this official art. It's even smaller than the pics I've been using for the others. If anyone has links to some truly high-resolution official Digimon art, please let me know. The ones in the comments are broken.

Anyway, if Agumon was clearly the Charmander of Digimon (and arguably the Pikachu, as well), then MetalGreymon is probably the Charmeleon. (WarGreymon would be Charizard)

Greymon sucks because he's just a big dumpy T-rex and nobody cares, but MetalGreymon is a cyborg dragon and everybody loved him. The way he has exposed metal circuits on his tail is like those "battle damage" variants of action figures I used to beg my mom to buy in Target. Because yes, it's important that I have both a regular Batman, and a Batman with parts of his armor torn off and scars and shit. That sense of "damaged, but repaired" extends to his wings, which are inexplicably tattered.

The final bit we have to talk about is the little feather-hair coming up from the back of his helmet - that was all over the place on Digimon, for some reason. The helmet covering the top half of the face is an even more common motif, but how come they all had feathers? What the hell was that about?

Favorite Digimon #15 - Myotismon

[Adam Sandler vampire noises]

I may have sided with Werewolves on the Splatoon 2 Splatfest last weekend, but that was only because of my main girl Marina. I'm definitely partial to vampires in most cases, because despite the best efforts of hundreds of terrible young-adult novels and subsequent terrible movie adaptions, they're still pretty cool.

And Myotismon brings his own twist to the classic design - sure, there's the pale skin, fangs, and high collar, but you don't often see vampires with dress-military outfits. Nor do they usually sport masquerade masks, especially ones with bonus bat ears coming off the sides. Those Digi-tastic lanky proportions help him stand out too, and we can't ignore that swanky golden bat bowtie.

I like the repetition of the bat symbol motif, he's clearly a big Batman fan.

Favorite Digimon #16 - MetalEtemon

Does Etemon remind anyone else of Zack from Dead or Alive?

Etemon in the show was a hoot, I'm always a fan of the villains who are overtly entertainers, who make everything into a big performance at all times. Sounding like Johnny Bravo was just icing on the cake.

So taking all that, and then making him shiny and chrome, and adding some GAINZ? What a champ. MetalEtemon's teeth are solid gold, he doesn't even need grills. But mainly I think I like him because he's simple like Frigamon - all one color, just a shiny brolic monkey. Honestly I'd like him even more if he ditched the plushie, belts, and studs, but such things are obviously necessary symbols of fashion in the Digi-world.

Favorite Digimon #17 - Machinedramon

can we get a shoot-out between this guy and Blastoise please???

Back on track with super badasses, we got Machinedramon. Giant mechanical dragon with huge cannons, sounds like a winner to me. He was one of the Four Dark Masters in the show, and they were all really evil and cool.

I mean, is there anything else I need to say? Not every one of these guys needs a damn essay to justify it, his coolness is just self-evident. Machinerdramon is awesome. If you don't like it, you can go chew rocks.

Favorite Digimon #18 - Sukamon

shout-outs to Ed Roth

Look, this guy was one of my favorites as a little kid and I still don't really know why. I even drew comics about him and stuff. I guess, like most little boys, I thought gross-out stuff was awesome? And Sukamon is certainly grotesque. In Japan, he's clearly supposed to be yellow poop, but I don't think I even realized that back then. (of course, modern kids will be familiar with the poop emoji, and recognize East Asia's established shorthand for poo-poo)

So this one's a nostalgia pick for sure, but I kinda like how apologetically weird he is. His lower jaw is entirely unattached to the rest of his body, and his teeth go all the way around, which is crazy. Oh, and what's up with that ugly ratfink on his shoulder, anyway? Or am I the only one who can see him? He looks like a hallucination.

Favorite Digimon #19 - Wizardmon

Black Mage ain't got nothin on this

Wizard hats like this are something I used to think were dopey, but now I think are kinda neat. They're not traditional "cool", but you can make them work. And Wizardmon absolutely does.

But mainly I love how his body is a jumpsuit, and the zippers are open and there's NOTHING INSIDE!!!!!! or maybe just mysterious darkness?????

Either way I love it. The runes on the inside of the cloak are a nice touch, and check out that oogie-boogie face on his knee. Wizardmon looks like a really cool character from one of those obscure, Japan-only, late-90's RPGs.

Favorite Digimon #20 - WereGarurumon

"Like Garurumon, but teenage, and badass."

We're clearly in the thick of it now. WereGarurumon checks all the boxes - asymmetry, skull-and-crossbones, belts, zippers, scars, spikes, bandage wrappings, he's got it all. You can even count the brass knuckles as fist-studs if you want. I had a toy of him that could turn into Garurumon, but WereGarurumon is so much cooler I never transformed them, just played with the Ultimate form.

I'm also coming to realize there's something appealing to me about the proportions of all the more humanoid Digimon - very long arms and legs, wide shoulders, smaller torsos. Between that and the checklist above, there's almost more design consistency in Digimon than Pokemon - a lot of people (myself included) can point at Pokes and go "now that doesn't look like a Pokemon", but it's always unmistakable when something is a Digimon, for better or for worse.

What I'm trying to say is, WereGarurumon - out of all the Digimon in the world, you're the Digimon-iest. Or maybe Digimost is the proper phrasing?

Favorite Digimon #21 - MetalKabuterimon

Not the first, or last time the Metal- prefix will appear on this list

J.P. was my favorite character in Frontier, because he wasn't saddled with the dumb angst of the leads. He was comic relief, but actually pretty strong, too. And he turned into an awesome Beetleborg.

So it stands to reason that his Beast form would be even cooler, right? And it is.

For a guy who likes bugs, and also tanks, and also robots, this is pretty much the best thing. The horn being a cannon is brilliant, and I really dig the look of the treads and shoulders, too. MetalKabuterimon isn't about agility or physical strength at all, he's just a mobile gun battery with enough firepower to absolutely raze a small town.

Favorite Digimon #22 - Andromon

Robocop's unemployed, shiftless, alcoholic brother

The great thing about Andromon is that he looks like he's breaking down. One leg is practically bare, exposing his gross alien monster flesh. Mis-matched shoulder plates. Panels have clearly cracked or fallen off in other areas, wires dangle like limb veins. There's the whole off-kilter slouch - dude has the height of Shaq, but the posture of an unbalanced stack of laundry. There's a very Frankenstein vibe to it.

Asymmetry is a big part of the Digimon aesthetic, and Andromon delivers that in spades. He just wouldn't be the same if he was repaired to look all nice and even. Being a piece of junk is his charm point!

Favorite Digimon #23 - Gatomon

Did she steal those gloves from Katt, from Breath of Fire?

Look, Gatomon is my sister's favorite Digimon, so I'm including her here as a favor, but also Gatomon is pretty well-designed. In fact, it's a better cat-monster than most of Gamefreak's attempts.

The fringe (feathers?) on the ears and tail are a fun touch that keeps it from just being a literal cat, and that ring has some significance in the show if I remember my lore correctly. But the real star here are those gloves.

Why would a cat need cat gloves? Well obviously if you've got cute little kitten paws, but still want to deal some Wolverine-level damage, you're gonna need extra claws. Makes sense to me. Like how if you want your gun to shoot better, you can stick another gun on the front. Yes, I'm sure that's how it works, be quiet. Plus, it's just cute.

Favorite Digimon #24 - Frigimon

There's a brown version called MudFrigimon, and I think we can all just be glad there's no yellow snow version.

Here's another Digimon who could be a Pokemon in a pinch. Not that they need to look like Pokemon, mind you, it's just unusual to see a Digimon this simple in design. So I appreciate him for that.

He's a snowman bear, he doesn't need to look as busy as the rest of them! I like his gumdrop buttons, and his big punchy mitten hands. Astute readers will notice a trend - I like guys who punch. I make no effort to hide this, Fighting is my favorite type after Bug and Ghost, after all. (and Snimon was far from the last Digi-bug you'll see on this list...)

Favorite Digimon #25 - BanchoLeomon

oh shit is that a JOJO REFERENCE!?!?

No, not really. JJBA didn't invent delinquents. the Bancho has been a staple of Japanese media since the 70's, appearing in a lot of other TV shows, anime, and manga before Jotaro wore a blue school uniform and punched a lot of things in Egypt.

But that's not to say he didn't look awesome doing it. See, adding a Bancho coat-worn-as-a-cape to anything instantly makes it better, as proven by Kongoh Bancho, Kill la Kill, and Pangoro. So take a regular garden variety Leomon, fated to die in every series as some sort of tragic warrior-Christ figure (as if Aslan and Mufasa didn't die for our sins enough!), and get that boy in a Japanese school uniform, rough it up, and let him chew on some grass. You end up with awesome.

For an added bonus, there are other Bancho-version Digimon - BanchoMamemon, BanchoGolemon, BanchoStingmon, and BanchoLilymon. I hope they're all in the new game.

Favorite Digimon #26 - MetalMamemon

Isn't it nice when you don't have to come up with new, creative names for evolved forms?

In Pokemon, this guy would have to use something entirely different from Mamemon. But in the wonderful world of Digimon, you can just slap "metal" in front of it, to signify he's now a cyborg or some shit idk and you're good to go!

But I do like this guy. Wolverine claws are sick, and I won't ever say no to a giant arm cannon that's as big as your own actual body.


For comparison's sake, there's regular Mamemon - who I actually dig on his own. You can see the basic similarity with Mushroomon - studded gloves, with belt-rope things on them. Hey, I love my punch-em-ups. But MetalMamemon edges out by virtue of those aforementioned cybernetic weapons. Also possibly a V8 Engine in his back? Look, he's just a head with limbs, but he's rocking out as best he can.

Favorite Digimon #27 - Gigasmon

oh gimme dem grumblecakes~

One of my few picks from beyond Season 3 (Tamers), Gigasmon stands out in my memory because he was a major thorn in the side of the good guys. Despite being just one of a group of elemental-themed baddies, he seemed to get a disproportional amount of screentime. he wiped the floor with the heroes on several occasions, stole their powers, and generally was the most dangerous enemy they faced for a long time. Even subsequent baddies went down easier than this guy. I hated him in the same way you hate a heel wrestler - I came close to getting legitimately upset that they couldn't beat him, I just wanted someone to shut his stupid face up.

Also, for some reason, I used him as my mental image of what the trolls in the Artemis Fowl series looked like - just add razor-sharp elephant tusks. I'm not sure why I drew this connection, as the trolls are explicitly stated as being hairy, in addition to a number of other differences, but oh well.


I don't think his design is actually that special, it's decent enough, but he makes the list because he's one of the few characters from the show that made a lasting impact on me. I couldn't tell you what the names of any of the other Season 4 (Frontier) villains were.

Favorite Digimon #28 - Snimon

imagine a being made entirely out of sharp edges

He only exists to cause pain, his many spikes and blades self-sharpen as they inevitably scrape against each other every time he moves, he doesn't even have eyes to help direct his careening fury, he is a nightmare given form and his name is Snimon.

Some may note a similarity to another of my favorite things, Scyther. I admit they share a core concept, but the difference is that Snimon is completely freaking insane about it.

Favorite Digimon #29 - Tsumemon

Our War Game was really just a rough draft of Summer Wars, wasn't it?

Most of the Digimon in this list are gonna be the bigger, badder types. Champions and Ultimates. It's not that I dislike the baby forms, it's just that most of them bore me, being essentially a ball with some eyes and a flair. Will this one have a spike? a leaf? a tail? the mind boggles.

That's where Tsumemon comes in. Right off the bat, he's got a big ol' cycloptic eye, on some Millennium Item shit. But I have to say, it's a dang cute eye. Which makes the creepy finger-claw-tentacles that much weirder. Because they're totally fingers, right? It's only got 5 for a reason. Just walkin' around inside your computer, eating your files and sending everyone on your address book spam mail or whatever.

Plus, I think he'd look neat sitting on top of my head, as long as he didn't squeeze too tight.

Favorite Digimon #30 - Mushroomon

Is it "Mushroo-mon", or "Mushroom-on"?

I'll be honest - I never had this guy in the game, or as a toy, or saw him in the show. I only know him from a trading card. But damn if I don't love this design. He's a punk mushroom brawler, what more can you ask for? Probably the most badass mushroom I've ever seen.

and hey, if you just remove the belts, and redundant skull symbol, you'd have a pretty neat Poison/Fighting Pokemon! Funny how elements that I'd rake this guy over the coals for if he came out of Gamefreak's workshop are just fine in another context. But it really wouldn't be Digimon without superfluous gloves, belts, symbols, and studs.

...still not sure what that other lil' guy is about, though. Maybe he's just photobombing?

Favorite Digimon #31 - Digitamamon

Ah, Digimon. The age-old rival of Pokemon, I've always been a low-key fan. I watched the show off-and-on with my sister, but got frustrated with my TV station frequently starting over airing the episodes from the beginning with no warning. But I had a lot of the toys, which honestly played an over-sized role in which ones became my favorites. Also I had the starter set of cards, but never met anyone else who collected them, so I never got into that like I did Pokemon.

The biggest difference, of course, is that I hadn't played any of the games until last year, when I picked up Cyber Sleuth. I quite enjoyed it, and put some of them in a new perspective for me - Digimon I'd only seen static pictures of, since I never saw their episode, came to life with cool attacks. There's a sequel coming out next year I've heard, so I'm looking forward to it.

Anyway, without further ado, let's meet #31, Mr. Just-Made-The-Cut, Digitamamon!



Or, as my sister and I always called him, LeggoMyEggoMon. I know he's not a waffle, but he's an egg, and they showed that commercial all the time back in the day, okay? I honestly had to google search "dumb egg digimon troll feet" in order to find this guy, because apparently nobody else has come up with that brilliant nickname.

So he sneaks into the list mainly on nostalgia, we always had fun roasting him. But I do think he design is actually kinda neat - an rotten little egg, with a cute simplistic face, but those funky-ass feet should let you know that there's probably something evil lurking inside. I can't remember if you ever see his face in the show or not. Another google search will find the answer WHOA SHIT



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