Thursday, July 5, 2012

No. 464: Rhyperior

It's good to be back! A big shout-out to any Spanish, British, Canadian, and German readers out there - I was in your countries recently! It was nice!


But now the niceties must end, as we confront this unpardonable wreck. Rhyperior is just so freaking terrible, I barely know where to begin.

Let's start with the color scheme. Orange-red, and dark grey. Now, correct me if I'm wrong (I'm not), but aren't Rhyhorn and Rhydon both light grey and regular grey? With nary a hint of orange anywhere? Why is this guy suddenly all reddish, he's the same damn type as them! And the three of them look awful put next to eachother, Rhyperior looks out of place like a pineapple in a basket of midgets.

Now, let's talk about the shift in design away from plate-armor, to jumbly bumbly rocks. Because it's wrong. Or how about the stupid lumpy rock hot glued to the end of his tail, or the way his elbows extend to ridiculous lengths. Oh, and also those orifices in his palms? He inserts rocks up in there, and then shoots them out. That would be cool, except additional orifices in the body make me extremely ;uncomfortable. and also, why can't he just shoot his own damn rocks?? He needs to load up ammo? Blastoise doesn't have to reload.

Rhyperior is yet another case of a redundant evolution that missed the point completely. Screw him, and that wasn't a pun about his drill horn.


Overall: 1/10

14 comments:

  1. I have embarked on a project to try to correct the mistakes of certain evolutions. If you would be so kind as to give me your email address, I would like to know how you think about them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you can send it to bigbadlith@gmail.com. Even if you're actually a spammer or something, I don't care, that's my all-purpose "no consequences" email.

      Delete
  2. Rhyperior on it's own looks cool. As a stand alone or an evolution to another new Pokemon it would have been awesome.

    It's as an evolution to 2 other Pokemon from 1st gen that look nothing like it other than they have horns is where it becomes a fail.

    So I don't really agree with the 1 rating, but (no offence) you seem to be wishy washy (as in sometimes taking other Pokemon in the evo line, sometimes don't, and sometimes let totally random factors effect the way you feel about one greatly) on how you rate them anyway.

    I mean heck, replace Geodude/Gravler in the caves in 4th gen with it and it's would be pre-evo and we could have cut down on some of the "been there done that" of 4th gen, and we'd lose a pointless new evo.

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  3. You have been in Germany and you didn't tell me? Maaan we could have gone drinking or sth.

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    Replies
    1. lol, I was only in the airport in Frankfurt, sorry!

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  4. @Anonymous Nr. 2: Nope. Rhyperior just. Completely. Sucks.

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  5. 1/10, same as Dunsparce?
    You are giving 1/10 away too easily, it's like every second or third one is that low, which kind of takes the meaning away from such an awful rating.
    I mean 1/10 is what Dunsparce got, are you really serious about saying they are in the same criteria.
    I can only agree with Anon 2, sometimes it does seem like you don't give the rating a second thought.

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    Replies
    1. Honestly I think Dunsparce is BETTER than Rhyperior. Rhyperior is a terrible mess of what the fuck were you on when you thought this was a good idea, whereas with Dunsparce you know it was shrooms.

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    2. well, a 1/10 means there is nothing redeeming about the Pokemon at all. And I can't help it if the 4th generation contains a lot of irredeemable assholes!

      also, Dunsparce is the lowest 1/10 ever. Like, I would give it a 0/10, but that goes against principle.

      Delete
  6. I don't think Rhyperior would work in a different evolutionary family than Rhydon because then everybody would claim it looks too similar to Rhydon.

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  7. ^ Rhydon got complaints for being too similar to Nidoking.

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    Replies
    1. That's stupid because Rhydon was the first pokemon created

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  8. I actually like Rhyperior, but I find him disappointing because of the stupid orange plates. As it stands, he's a 6 or 7/10 for me. Lose the orange and he'd be a perfect 10/10.

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