No. 677: Espurr

you ever look into a cat's eyes? like, really look into those things? it gets a little scary, man. believe me.

But it must be Scaresmas Eve or something, because we've got a fricken horror show on display tonight. Those are not the eyes of a happy little Pokemon cat.

Those are the eyes of someone long closed off to the world of the living. they see only darkness. this is what happens when you peer too deeply into the mystic, the paranormal, the supernatural, the extraterrestrial, the occult, in short - the other. "Gaze ye not long into the abyss, for it will gaze back into ye", as the saying goes.

His psyche shattered by visions of cosmic truths beyond his ken, Espurr is a former shell of a Pokemon. He cannot even pray for the sweet release of death, as he knows all too well what awaits him after he shuffles off this mortal coil.

So take pity on your Espurr. Be gentle to it. And whatever you do, for the love of God, do NOT look into its eyes.


Overall: t̀͞͠a̴ń̡́͡n͟͏ą̡̕͝͡ś̷͘i̸̴̢͘͢n̵̢͜͡ /10

oh and on that happy note happy Christmas everyone ha ha woo

No. 676: Furfrou

wouldn't be France without a poodle

but this one is kinda shabby-looking, ain't it? what gives? ohohoho dear reader, if you thought thusly then you are now in for a surprise. a surprise for your eyes.

That's right, you can style it up! The stats never change, but I think we can all admit this is a pretty fun gimmick. they come in three rough groups, from what I can tell:

Heart, Star, and Diamond are all fairly generic, but acceptable for what a poodle should look like.

Purple and Cream are like wearing cool hats, but the tie on Green makes me very happy. classy top hat, too.

Light Blue is lame again, but Red and Dark Blue are both pretty sweet. The latter is my favorite, it looks like a pharaoh. If I had a dog, I'd want him to look like a pharaoh, too. Now, if Furfrou was anything but Normal, I might actually use it...


Overall:  7/10

No. 675: Pangoro

wow I'm bad at this whole "updating" thing

I'm strangely disappointed in this guy, because I seriously thought he was Fighting/Grass. I know, I know, his whole gimmick is that he only evolves when there's a Dark-type in the party (which is genius) but I guess I missed that lecture? anyway, it was my own stupid fault, so I'm going to try and ignore the niggling feeling.

I don't know. He's still a banchou panda bear, and he's still got two fists full of punch and a mouth full of twig and a heart completely empty of shits to give. The dude just sort of rocks and rolls wherever, and however he likes.

I also love how his eyes are just these dark little holes now. you can tell there's not a hint of mercy left in them.


Overall: 10/10

Poodonkulous Remix Changelog Route 113-115, Meteor Falls, and Jagged Path

I know it's been a while, and many of you may have outpaced these logs, but here's the next batch anyway! This should take you til the 4th gym badge. For those just tuning in, this is my romhack of Emerald, find out more about it here. I recommend you read that for some information, but a direct link to the download of everything you need can be found below.

Pokemon Emerald: Poodonkulous Remix ver_01

anyway, onto the changes!

• Skarmory - Speed and HP boosted

• Vibrava line - type changed to Bug/Dragon, learns Silver Wind, Bug Bite, Bug Blitz, and Dragon Claw

• Gastly line - type changed to pure Ghost (dropped the Poison subtype), learns new move Voodoo, evolves to Haunter at level 25 and Gengar at level 44.

NEW MOVE: Voodoo - Ghost, 50 special power, chance of lowering target's defense. uses the animation from Curse, which I always found to be a pointlessly complicated and useless move.

• Shroomish - Attack and Sp. Attack boosted, evolves to Breloom at level 29

• Breloom - Sp. Atk greatly boosted, Speed boosted, Def significantly reduced

• Zubat line - learns Poison Fang at level 30, evolves to Crobat at level 32, learns Sludge Bomb and Toxic

• Meditite line - HP boosted, learns Raging Demon and Brick Break

• Sableye - HP greatly boosted (from 50 to 130), Sp. Atk and Speed significantly boosted, learns Shadow Punch and Crunch

• Murkrow - HP, Def, and Sp. Def boosted, learns Aeroblast and re-tooled Beat Up, which is now a Fury Attack-style move, with 30 power each. It's a less gimmicky take on it, but should provide Dark types with some high-level STAB.

• Deoxys is on route 115, have fun getting to it. Also Jirachi is in the Meteor Falls area.

No. 674: Pancham

I thought this guy was Fighting/Grass for the longest time, because I thought up just such a Pokemon a few years ago

He's still a scrappy little guy, with hell of attitude. but what's with the leaf? I mean, I know it's for some reason a trope for a delinquent to chew on a stem of grass, but why? Hibari's underling in Reborn! did it, Mako Makanshoku did it in her 2-star uniform, and I know I've seen it elsewhere.

It just seems like such a random thing to signify "tough guy". "oh yeah look at me I'm chewing the hell outta this grass, probably beat up a tree to get it, yeah I'm BAD"

anyway, Pancham is really cool. simple obvious colors, haven't really seen a panda before, that green acts as a focal point and draws it all together. no real complaints whatsoever, it's just excellent. and no, I'm not biased because I've wanted a fighting panda for a while now. (well maybe just a little)


Overall: 10/10

Poodonkulous Remix Changelog routes 110, 117, 112, and Fiery Cave

I first want to say, that if you were looking for a certain Pokemon and don't see them in the Locations textfile, then that means I didn't care enough about them to make any changes, and probably dumped them in the Safari Zone. So, Dunsparce, Ledyba, and Plusle fans, look around there. But I'd rather you didn't, those guys all kinda suck. try some of these new guys instead, I think you'll like what you see.

This also saw the first instance of some Pokemon getting nerfed, but it was really because I wanted Scyther to feel more in place and like a Pokemon who needed to evolve, rather than have him be a complete beast straight out of the box. Similarly with Elekid and Magby, I wanted to tone them down a bit to fit where in the game you find them.

• Bulbasaur line - changed type to pure Grass, reduced Speed and Atk and boosted Def and Sp. Def. Learns improved Solarbeam, which is a 95-power Flamethrower and Thunderbolt counterpart.

• Elekid - Def and Speed reduced, learns Thunderpunch at level 25, evolves at level 30 like normal.
• Electabuzz - Def greatly boosted, HP significantly boosted, Atk and Sp. Atk boosted, Sp. Def greatly reduced, learns Brick Break. No Electavire evolution, sadly.

• Grimer line - HP and Def significantly boosted, Sp. Atk greatly boosted, Speed reduced, Atk greatly reduced. evolves to Muk at level 33, learns Toxic by level-up and new move Mud Slide at level 50.

NEW MOVE - Mud Slide: Ground, 95 Special power, 95 accuracy, decent chance of lowering opponent's accuracy. I thought it was stupid that Muddy Water is literally just Surf but not as good, so I made it into something to give special attack Pokemon something Ground-ish to use.

Volbeat, Typhlosion, Eevee, and the rest of the Fiery Road miscreants after the jump!

No. 673: Gogoat

you know, those changelogs are a lot of work to put together, actually. Be glad I'm still trying to do regular updates!

The handlebar horns have become something pretty wicked. Good thing its tail is acting like a seat back so you don't fall off.

This is a very nice evolution, I'd say. Every aspect of Skiddo returns, but larger. I guess I could complain that it's a little silly to go from green trim, to brown, to tan shaggy fur, back to brown, then white, and finally orange hooves. That's a lot of color transition.

But in general, I just really like his shaggy look and simplicity of design - he's a goat that goes. you can ride him when he does. also he's got plant powers.

and I don't think I have to say how much I'd like to see the rideable Pokemon roster expanded.


Overall: 8/10

Poodonkulous Remix Changelog routes 116, Rusturf Cave, and Granite Cave. also Ver_01 patch

first off, it has been brought to my attention that Bug Bite was a Normal move, instead of Bug. this is the opposite of what I intended, so here's a patch for all you people who already have the rom to apply:

Ver_01 patch

it's got Lunar IPS included, so just fire that baby up, and apply the new ver_01 patch to the rom you were using, and things should work out? if you haven't even downloaded the original at all yet, don't worry, I've re-uploaded a version and fixed the link on the original post, found here.

anyway, on to the changes after the jump! Cubone, Geodude, Onix, Beldum, and more!

No. 672: Skiddo

Hey, ridable Pokemon! one of four in the game! wooo

That was something I think Gamefreak (and the people) hyped out of proportion. there just happen to be sections where you ride a Pokemon for a little bit, that's all. You can't just whip out a Tauros and go to town.

but so Skiddoo here, he's a nice fella. Handlebar antlers, nice shaggy grassy coat, he also learns some fun moves. I got one in a Wonder Trade actually, it was pretty cash for me.

I feel like this is covering territory we already covered earlier with Sawsbuck and all that, but I guess making it Fire type would've been just more proof of Pokemon's demonic messages that moms and fundamentalists are always complaining about.


Overall: 7/10

Poodonkulous Remix Changelog routes 101-104 and Petalburg Woods

as promised, I'll be breaking down some of the changes I've made. Those not mentioned are pretty much the same, with probably learning an extra move or a 10 point stat boost or something.

note: when I simply say "reduced" or "boosted", it refers to a difference of less than 10 points. "significantly booster/reduced" means in the ballpark of 20 points, and "greatly boosted/reduced" means it's like 30 or more.

• Caterpie - Learns Bug Bite early on, delayed evolution into Metapod until level 11.
• Metapod - Sp. Def increased to be on par with its Def. evolves into Butterfree at 15.
• Butterfree -  Butterfree HP, Atk, Def, Sp. Def all increased, stat total now 420.

NEW MOVE - Bug Bite: Bug, 65 physical power, 90 accuracy, small chance of making the opponent flinch.

• Pidgey line - swapped names so that it goes Pidgey>Pidgeot>Pidgeotto, HP and speed boosted significantly.

• Sentret line - atk and speed boosted, evolves to Furret at level 21, where it has a speed of 130. 

Poliwhirl, Shiftry, Raichu, and more after the jump:

Pokemon Emerald: Poodonkulous Remix

At long last, here's the alpha build of that romhack I've been "working on" for the past few years:

Pokemon Emerald Poodonkulous Remix ver_01

the .rar contains a copy of a GBA emulator, the modded rom itself, a image displaying the sort of Pokemon you can expect to find in the game, and a text file with detailed information on where each Pokemon can be found. also updated for version 01, so please, give it a try! 

but wait, you say, what's this even all about? what the hell is a "poodonkulous remix"? you can break down my changes like such:

-phys/special split

-higher quality Pokemon selection

-stat boosts for underwhelming Pokemon

-movepool additions for most Pokemon

-a few new moves added at the expense of a few useless ones

-type changes for a few Pokemon

-no trades or stones required for evolution


Further details after the jump:

No. 671: Florges

Miss Florges, I...
So, now there's really no excuse for the lack of a Grass typing, is there? the goddamn thing is a flower now, this is stupid. BUT ANYWAY, Florges is definitely sticking her ass out, and appears to be wearing a strapless tight dress, and making those eyes with those eyelashes, and I'm not sure I know how to feel.

though Bulbapedia certainly does, with the description employing words such as "dainty", "sylphlike" and "svelte". anyway.

The giant ruff reminds me of that one lady in The Three Caballeros, where Donald hallucinates this lady in the stars/flowers? anyone else remember that shit? that was weird. but I'm pretty sure it happened.

Florges has great stats it seems, but I never used one in my single playthrough of X so I can't weigh on on that front much. I guess it seems cool, and a solid Fairy-type, but I'm still salty that it isn't at least 1/4th Grass. No, don't ask me how that would work. shut up.


Overall: 6/10

No. 670: Floette

Topic of the day - Which Pokemon would be good to eat, like say, for Thanksgiving?

So, at least this one is more Pokemon than prop. Looks cute, with the twintails and spade-shaped standy bit down there.

But, it aggravatingly remains purely Fairy-type. Why? It's very obviously got a flower in its hands, and is green and biz. Why not Fairy/Grass? would that have been too much? It would have been very nice with that, but as it is it's just a pleasant design with a strange typing.

Maybe I'll take this time to vent a little about how the Fairy Type didn't really help matters that much. I mean, sure, it provided something else for Poison and Steel to be good against, and gave another option for Dealing with Dragos (an excellent series of novels btw), but why did it have to be good against Dark and Fighting, as well? Fighting I can see, it's a very strong offensive type with only two weaknesses, but Dark? Dark is only good for slapping spirits and spiritualists, and does that job only slightly better than Ghost. But urg, I found my Dark types getting wrecked by random Moon Blasts left and right in my runthrough.

I guess they made it just so that all the little girls could run their girly-ass Pokemon and wreck the big bad coolguy Pokemon that their older brothers ran. I'd still rather have a rebalancing of the whole chart, honestly.

what were we talking about? Which Pokemon to eat? I want to eat a Luvdisc, I believe I've mentioned this before. it just looks like it would make a nice steak. Or maybe a Farduckeotto would be good. That's a Farfetch'd stuffed inside a Psyduck stuffed inside a Pidgeotto, btw.


Overall: 5/10

NAPACE turned 4 earlier this month

and we all forgot. Or at least, I did. and I didn't see any of you mentioning it.

I've been busy with finals and some other projects, and I'm going to be busy again this week as I fly all around the country to visit each member of my scattered family and personally wish them a happy Thanksgiving like some sort of Turkey-themed Santa, but I intend to pick up the pace a bit for December.

anyway, wow. 4 years (nearly) ago, I just got bored and started putting my thoughts on a blog thing. Back then, I never would have imagined that I'd be here now, still doing pretty much the same thing. Of course, back then, there were only 4 generations of Pokemon.

Looking back, I feel like I've actually drifted towards a more reasoned, logical approach with my reviews. Especially with some of these new guys, I'm formulating my thoughts as I write them, instead of laying down shit I'd had stewing in my brain for years. Going through Kanto and Johto was mainly an emotive journey, but in the past year or so I think I've tried to be more objective.

I think the amount of "humor" is perhaps lower than it was during, say, Hoenn, but perhaps the trade-off is more informative content, so yay? I guess y'all are still entertained, as I'm getting more readers than ever.

Lastly, that Pokemon romhack of Emerald I said I was doing? just about ready for a beta release. I want to wait a little bit, for the people playing all the crap that came out last Friday to finish up, before I release, tho. I'm thinking December 1st sounds good. so watch for it then.

thanks again for reading and commenting (keep that up, I love talking shit with people), and finish up X or Y already!!

No. 669: Flabebe

hell no, I'm not putting those dumb little marks over the e's. I haven't been doing it for "Pokemon" this entire time, and I'm certainly not going to start now.

Well, here's our first Fairy-type of the generation, and it looks like it ought to be a Grass type. Fairy/Grass at the most. But no, solid Fairy. huh. It'll go on to learn mainly Grass moves, which just makes things even more confusing.

but anyway, Flabebe reminds me of a Kirby enemy, one of those cute things that isn't really doing much until BAM you just wreck it's life with your awful, bottomless appetite.

and apparently it comes in multiple colors, but screw that noise. Jesus, Flabebe, you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? putting fancy-pants marks on your e's, having alt colors, carrying around a flower that's not technically part of your actual body (one of the few Pokemon to do so), it's just obvious you want special treatment, huh?

well you're not gonna get it from me, lady. go sit in a field and stuff dandelions up your ears, I don't even care.


Overall: 3/10

No. 668: Pyroar

have you read Doubutsu no Kuni? you should read Doubutsu no Kuni.

So I'm a little disappointed on two fronts - first, it didn't get a more badass or useful typing. and secondly, it didn't grow a mane made out of flames. like, that's a gimme, Pokemon. that's been a thing in Kirby since forever, and it's always great.

The actual hair is alright, it's got the Fire Blast kanji in there, that's cool. I like how the female one has this long ponytail-esque thing going on, and how both designs are just subdued and straightforward. the banding and lines in the face give it away, but other than that these could easily be mistaken for 1st gen Pokes. which is good to see, because it shows that Gamefreak still knows what they did right.

all-in-all, a solid Pokemon with a few missed opportunities. or should I say opurrtunities. oh ho ho ho theyarecats ho ho ho


Overall: 7/10

No. 667: Litleo

has it seriously taken six hundred and sixty Pokemon to finally make a lion one?

It's another cooltype/Normal Pokemon, which is obviously much better than being pure Normal, and probably better than being ANOTHER pure Fire-type. it's just nothing to get excited over.

speaking of excited, Litleo here looks excited out of his mind. he's gonna pounce on something, and his eyeballs are just about bursting out of his head in anticipation. I haven't seen someone look forward to something so much since Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

anyway, his little head crest glows, it's kinda cute. and Litleo keeps the design and colors simple, which I can respect.


Overall: 7/10

No. 666: Vivillon

Vivillon is the anti-christ. you can tell, because it has the number of the Beast, and because if you take the letters in its name and turn them into numbers and then divide by 5 and then code them into musical notes, it plays a song that sounds like "I am the Devil" backwards

So yeah, another butterfly. we've seen this before, and it's getting old. Hell, it got old the second goddamn time. It's ancient freaking history. By now, turning in a Bug/Flying type in the early game is practically paleolithic.

yet, Vivillon brings one quirk to an otherwise completely unnoticeable Pokemon - collectible colors schemes!


Mine was High Plains, which is alright. I like the look of Continental and Elegant a lot, as well as Sun and Polar. The rest are fine, except Monsoon and Ocean, which are just a little too pixel-art for me. Although the Pokeball design is kinda neat.

But yeah. Vivillon learns a better set of moves than Butterfree, and is just plain better stat-wise. And it carries the pixel-powder theme from its previous forms. So actually, maybe it's better than I thought. Maybe this is Butterfree done right. and I can't hate a Pokemon that's literally just an improvement on something I slammed long ago. It's a rehash for sure, but it actually is somewhat decent (almost) this time around. so that deserves credit.


Overall: 7/10

No. 665: Spewpa

looks a little like a cozy owl-bug

but holy poo-balls, could they have come up with a less-appetizing name than Spewpa. you know what we use the word "spew" to describe? when vomit comes out of a throat. or sewage out of a faulty pipe. or foul smog into our precious atmosphere.

anyway, Spewpa turns out to look cute, even though it's dropping it's shit left and right. get it together, Spewpa. Evolve hands or something for godssakes. don't just drop those Chiclets all over the place.

It's at certainly more interesting than another cocoon, though.


Overall: 6/10

No. 664: Scatterbug

you see, this is what happens when I don't set defined goals for myself. I just update every other every other day.

well, this bug kinda looks like a shit. like a stuffed animal of a caterpillar, really. or one of those vaguely-defined "cutie uglies" or whatever that you used to see around in places. does anyone else know what I'm talking about? I certainly don't.

Scatterbug cannot possibly support its noggin with its tiny body, and I'm tired of all these crappy worm-things. The kicker is, Weedle and Caterpie are available in the very same route, so it's hard to justify picking up this stinker instead of one of the others.


Overall: 2/10

No. 663: Talonflame

there's a fried chicken joke in here somewhere if you want to look for it

Yo okay, this bird, THIS FRIKKIN BIRD. Fire/Flying, time to run a pain train on all the Grass types I see. Ice? don't worry, I'll melt it. Ground? don't worry, can't even touch me. As long as it avoids any flying rocks, it'll be fine.

and Flame Body is a based ability. activates all the damn time for me.

The design itself, reminds me of one of those Chinese war-falcon things. kinda. three stripes on the tail, nice touch, flame body paint, hot as heck, and cruel curved talons.

It's perhaps a little on the busy side, but I think the red specks actually add a feather-like texture to the thing. Now, the name is butts, but aside from that I've no problems whatsoever. Best starting bird BY A WIDE MARGIN. You know, between this and the end-game birds from Gen 5, I think I might be getting over my avian-hating complex.


Overall: 9/10

No. 662: Fletchinder

hot doggy, has some genie been listening to my wishes?

First, Diggersby is Ground/Normal. and now, thank the heavens above, the generic bird has become Fire/Flying. this is just spectacular news all around.

The design is similar in theme to before, but leaner and meaner. Notice the tail has two stripes, now. and we're incorporating more yellow into the design, which because I am psychic I know will lead into the next stage. (actually I'm not psychic I peeked ahead)

(actually I didn't have to peak because I use Talonflame on my main team in X)

(why am I whispering)


Overall: 8/10

No. 661: Fletchling

oh, the red red robin comes bob-bob-bobbin' along...

pretty cute. reminds me of Pitch, one of Kirby's animal friends, and the best transformation you can get out of Stone/Cutter in Kirby 64.

I kind of like this more abstract style of bird, rather than just making an ugly fat bird like we've seen with Pidgey, Tailow, and that other pidgeon whose name I even forgot. more cartoonish is good, in this case. and I like that single tail feather just stickin' on up there.

though, in the end, it's still a Normal/Flying piece of crap, but it's a nice piece of crap. so nice, I can't even really call it crap anymore.


overall: 5/10

No. 660: Diggersby

whoa this is a fat rabbit

It's also a fat GROUND-type rabbit, which is such an amazing concept I'm surprised no one's thought of it before. The regional rodent being anything other than Normal-type, I mean. If Linoone turned out to be Normal/Electric, and Raticate was Normal/Dark, or anything, they would be much better. Because Normal is the most boring, generic type possible.

Diggersby has big strong ears, which are pretty neat. It's also wearing a fuzzy belt, which is slightly less neat. also it appears to be in need of a shave. Basically, it's your uncle Stuart, except as a cartoon bunny who can dig around in the dirt real well.

that makes it sound awful, and I apologize. Diggersby is alright. it's pretty scuzzy, but refreshingly not a piece of crap.


Overall: 6/10


ps - This marks the end of my October Challenge. I only missed one day, and that was yesterday, but in my defense, it was my birthday, and I was quite drunk. Expect things to slow down from here on out, but hopefully not to Summer levels. also, thanks to you all for making this my most-viewed month ever. NAPACE exists to tell all y'all plebeians what's what, so I'm glad there are a lot of plebeians getting educated.

jk you lot are wonderful thank you

No. 659: Bunnelby

gotta have a useless little rodent, right?

Bunnelby is looking pretty Loony Toons to me. for some reason, it's really throwing me off. I think it's the eyes? I dunno

uh, this rabbit has fingers on its hands. that's cool. not got a lot to say for this one...


Overall: 5/10

No. 658: Greninja

there might be more badass frogs than this one, but I don't think I know of any

He's a ninja frog, which is apparently a thing in Japan. toads/frogs get associated with Ninjas. I don't know, maybe it's something in the sake.

But anyway, Greninja has dat ninja scarf, but it's his tongue. This is so insane and disgusting and creative and I love it. The back of his head starts to look like a hand, which is kinda weird, but okay. Big thighs reinforce the ninja design, like those poofy pants ninjas are all the time be wearing. and his special attack is water shurikens.

So I think Greninja is cool, but I'm wondering if we couldn't have set more of a precedent for the tongue. Now that I think of it, this is the first "frog" Pokemon whose design has actually emphasized the tongue. and Frogadier certainly could've added that into the mix, seeing as how he didn't add anything else.

I really like the design and idea, and I appreciate how things are still pretty low-key except for the head which is a little busy, but otherwise super-neat. I just wish that his awesome tonguescarf didn't come outta nowhere.


Overall: 8/10

No. 657: Frogadier

what a chill frog

alright, I like where this is headed. That cloud is expanding, he's getting longer limbed and more cocky.

He's possibly the most boring evolution of the three starters, but that doesn't make him bad. like I said, it's a simple natural progression. I don't really have much more to say, Frogadier is a bigger, cooler Froakie.


Overall: 6/10

No. 656: Froakie

you may have gotten the idea I don't think much of the Kalos starters by now.

But there's still one line left, so don't despair!

Froakie was my pick, because I like frogs, and this one seemed like it would turn into a big kung-fu frog like from Super Mario RPG, the one with the beard and such. Or like the Wind Gods in Wind Waker, cause of the cloud on his back. So anyway, I detected a lot of promise, and took the plunge.

because Froakie himself is also just kinda eeeeeehhhhh. Little blue frog, cloud on back, I guess it's alright. Simple colors, using the exact same palette as the last two Water starters. His head is also large, but becauze the "head" itself is actually pretty flat, it's just the eyes taking up the space, I don't perceive it as overly huge.


Overall: 6/10

No. 655: Delphox

wow I got locked out of my house this morning with no phone or wallet, and had like a dozen important things to do. fun times!

look at Gandalph the Red here, off to lead a band of hairy dwarves through some caves.

I don't care for it. first off, full robes are often stupid. and this is one of those times. secondly, wands are often stupid. a staff is what a true wizard uses, or just conjure with your hands. wands are for Hogwarts losers.

I miss the broomstick theme that was coming along, and also the ear hair is just insane and looks really really silly when I think about it for more than 2 seconds.

It's a good typing, in fact all of these starters end up with good typings, but I just think the design looks so... lame. like the most uncool mage wizard they could think of.


Overall: 3/10

No. 654: Braixen

Tonosama, this one's for you.

Well, Braixen certainly isn't boring anymore. We have a clearly witchy theme going on, appropriate for the upcoming Halloween-style events.

Her tail in particular looks like a broom, though it is actually connected to its body. uses the twig as a wand, black tights and a skirt, yeah she's like Little Witch Pokedemia.

the only thing is, those arms are also twig-like. shit, I think they're thinner than the stick. Other than that, though, I can dig it. Changing to bipedal isn't a problem.


Overall: 7/10

No. 653: Fennekin

blow it out yer ears

damn, that is one huge noggin. preposterously huge, I'd say. also, I'm not content with red fur in the ears, it ought to be honest-to-goodness flames. though that would be insane, but then again it seems like each generation they experiment on different ways to expel fire from one's body. Charmander used his mouth, Cyndaquil used his back, Tepig used his nose, and finally Fennekin shoots fire out of her ears. I think.

I guess this one is okay. Though it seems a little bland. Color it a shade darker, and I'd believe it was a 2nd route Normal type 2-stage crap Pokemon. thank goodness it at least has good colors.


Overall: 5/10

No.652: Chesnaught

Well the first two were lacking, but this third form should be able to turn it around, right?

oops.

yeah, something wrong has happened here. We got white fur instead of brown, with big-ass arms like the robot warriors from Laputa or something. Also now he's wearing an armor dome, with giant tan spikes. remember the orange tips? haha, those aren't happening anymore. and while we're at it, throw the world's most awkward-looking lower body on there for good measure.

jesus, this is a mess. Like, it's a different sort of mess than what I would have expected, but it's still terrible. For one, its ignoring nearly everything about its first two forms and coming outta left field. and secondly, it looks like the segmented eggshell king from planet dunkass.

the only good thing going on here is that he's Grass/Fighting, and that his name kicks ass.


Overall: 2/10

No. 651: Quilladin

ah, feels good to get back on the horse.

Okay, this isn't really too bad of a step up. Now he's got orange on all the tips, and his hoodie took over his body to become like a casing of sorts. facial marks are still recognizable, too.

but I'm still wondering what part of this exactly is supposed to be a plant. he's green, but that's about it. are those brown patterns supposed to resemble leaves? do chestnuts have leaves? what even does a chestnut looks like?

also, this particular picture makes Quilladin look high as a kite.


Overall: 4/10

No. 650: Chespin

you don't know how good it felt to type that title. it's like coming home.

Like coming home to find that your house has been taken over by suitors vying for the hand of your wife, eating your food, wearing your clothes, beating your servants, and mocking your son. And their names are Chespin.

I mean, shit. this is the thanks I get? Big 'ol hiatus, give GameFreak time to come up with some good ideas, and the first thing they can cook up is "generic rodent in a hoodie"? seriously? seriously?

Chespin is ass. First off, he's not a reptile. That ought to be enough to know things are going south. It's like whenever there's a Fire-starter without live flames on it. Just not the same. Secondly, he barely looks plant-y at all. No one knew what he was even supposed to be at first, he's just got that freaking generic pikachu-esque body type, and green whatevers a'comin' outta his head.

Further research shows he's supposed to be like a chestnut, but I'm not even close to buying it. Also that orange tip of his tail pisses me off, especially since I know it's a design choice that's going frigging NOWHERE.

Look, I want to like this generation, and I think I probably will, but this is NOT the welcome I wanted. Chespin is easily the worst starter Pokemon I've ever seen.


Overall: 1/10

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 7

well, here it is, the final volume. I'm more than halfway through the game at this point, and have made it quite far enough to start opining on the Gen 6 Pokemon.

-Clawdaddy evolved into Clawitzer, and he keeps getting KO'd. but I think it's more because I keep putting him in dangerous situations than his being actually weak

-Wow, Laverre Town is really neat-looking. so was the gym, and the Furisode trainers inside. Gym Leader's Sylveon really gave my team a beating, but Hermes actually came trough, despite being a Dragon-type. I had taught it Infestation and Thunderbolt, y'see. (and the name is supposed to be a reference to JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, when Hermes Costello was turned into a snail-person due to the effects of Heavy Weather. Also I liked how the "herm" suggests "hermaphrodite", which snails are. also the irony of a slow snail being named after Hermes, god of speed.)

-In general, I love the npc trainer art in this game.

-Team looks like it'll be Brave One, Solarpowered, Archnuxilean, Vanilla Ice, Clawdaddy, and Calimari. though if I meet some kewl doods, I might be inclined to switch somebody out...


Overall, I'm really enjoying this game. Love the 3D models, the movement, the music, most of the new Pokemon are neat, and all the gameplay upgrades are appreciated. I'm gonna go back into regular review mode tomorrow, starting with Chespin, so look forward to that.

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 6

-Returned power to Lumiose City, Team Flare is a hoot as always

-the badlands were cool, especially how the Pokemon chased you, but the wind was frustrating

-There aren't any good Ground-types in Gen 6, so I wasn't very prepared for the Electric gym. Beat it with Gogoat's and Solarpowered's Bulldoze, though. screw that Magnemite, Thunderbolt really hurt at this stage of the game

-Got lost in the city. I feel like they should have been able to make the streets connected, instead of loading new areas every 5 seconds. breaks the immersion and ruins the point of having a giant city. between this, the lack of new Pokemon (less than 100 even counting Megas), and the frame-rate issues I've mentioned before, I'm starting to think GameFreak is just piss when it comes to optimization. makes me remember an anecdote about how Iwata was the one who condensed the GSC code to the point where they could fit Kanto in as a bonus, because it definitely wasn't planned from the start. And because of that, my friend goes "can you go to the other regions?" whenever I talk about any Pokemon game and dismisses them with a "wow that sucks you could in Gold" when of course you can't. pisses me off. especially since the new regions are larger than both Johto and Kanto put together.

-wow that one got out of hand

-caught a female Goomy, named it Hermes, 10 internet bucks to whoever correctly places the reference

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 5

I guess the "15-30" sweetspot I mentioned earlier actually extends to at least level 40 in this game. Errbody evolvin' left and right all ovah herr.

-Calimari evolved, and is now more badass

-Goemon is now in his final stage, and as I thought, it's the best option out of the starters. Caught a Clauncher, named it Crawdaddy, and am training it to replace him, though...

-my dear Brave One became a Talonflame, and now is competing against Nala the Pyroar for a spot as my Fire-type. If I decide I even need one, that is.

-Looked it up and evolved Solarpowered with a Sun Stone, Parabolic Charge is still such a pro move

-That grass gym was easy, but fun. Vanilla Ice just ate everything stone-cold raw, and the few things he couldn't wipe out were Bravely dealt with, if you get my drift.

-The music is pretty good in this game, I gotta say. I usually don't listen to Pokemon music, just play the games with the sound off, but maybe I won't end up doing that this time.

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 4

Didn't get a chance to play much today.

-Beat the 3rd gym, it came up pretty soon after the 2nd. Makes the gap from 1st to 2nd seem even more insane.

-I'm coming to dislike my friends. Fat kid won't say a sentence that isn't about dancing, and the Rival girl talks tough but gets beat like a rug. Shauna is cute but seriously needs to find a purpose in life, and the redhead is okay.

-Reflection Cave was pretty, reminded me of Voltstone Cave.

-Pancho evolved into a Fighting/Dark, and I'm disappointed because for some reason I thought he would be Fighting/Grass.

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 3

there sure are a lot of people playing this game.

-it took freaking forever to get to the 2nd gym, holy piss. If the rest of the game keeps up this pace, it's gonna be a long long game.

-New catches (some of these might be old and I forgot to mention):
Arco Iris the Hawlucha
Calimari the Inklay
Carbuncle the Carbink
Cedric the Espurr
Vanilla Ice the Amaura
Solarpowered the Helioptile
Amazy Dayzee the Flabebe

-Picked the Ice fossil because making all Normal-type moves into Ice-type is based as heck.

-I find it funny that they give you walking, running shoes, skates, and also a bicycle. we multiple levels of speed now, baby

-Team Flare is hilarious. These fools literally just want to get fabulous, and they come right out an say they don't give a damn about other people or Pokemon. a welcome break from all these well-intentioned-extremists that have been Pokemon villains the last few times.

-still trying to feel out my final team. I usually have this sort of thing planned from the get-go, but this time around I've been just catching and trying to use everybody. Calimari seems weak, and Acro Iris is surprisingly not as good as I'd like.

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 2

Played it all night and as much as I could today. Damn, I'm having fun. Just entered my favorite phase of the game, the "levels 15-30" phase, when you being actually catching cool things, dudes are evolving right and left, learning cool moves, the plot starts to kick in, and all while the levels still come easy.

-speaking of easy, the new Exp share seems kinda powerful. The guy in front doesn't split anything? EVERYONE else gets 50% of what he got? that's crazy. some might say it makes the game "easier". But honestly, Pokemon has never been "difficult", just "time-wastey". and this new exp share cuts down on the grind significantly.

-Just finished the whole "wake up Snorlax" quest. That palace was legit, reminded me of the Palacio Real in Madrid. of course I know this one must be based off something in France, but I'm pretty sure the Spanish one is better.

-New Pokemons added to the mix:
Napoleon the Furfrou
Archnuxilean the Honedge
Tony Tony C. the Swirlex
Bomba the Charmeleon
Pancho the Pancham
Skiddo (got in trade)

-Been doing some trades with random people online. So far got the aforementioned Skiddo, a Japanese Pansage, and a Japanese Pikachu.

-Goemon and Brave One evolved. Gotdayum am I glad to see a bird that isn't Normal/Flying. It's like all my prayers were answered.

-I chose the Charmander because of the following reasons:
Used a Venusaur on my last run of FireRed, like two years ago
Going to use either my starter, or Clauncher as a water-type, Blastoise would be redundant
Might use Nala or actually the Brave One as Fire, so honestly Charizard is redundant

and in the end, I just went "hell if I'm not going to use any of them in endgame anyway then why not Charizard" and just picked that mother.


how far are you guys? I'm already at level 20 even, but that friend is being pokey, so we delayed our match until level 30. If there's anyone at similar levels, we should battle or something. Friend code is 2406-5163-4164, send me an invite or whatever. If you're already at like the 5th gym, though, don't bother, you know it won't be fun for either of us.

Pokemon X First Thoughts Vol. 1

Got the game this morning, but because I had to do something in the afternoon I haven't played it as much as some of you out there.

regardless, I just beat the 1st gym, so I feel like this is a good time to make a post.

-The game looks/feels/sounds great. Models are good, and moving in 8 directions is more fun that it should be. also the music has been pretty neat so far, I especially like the Pokecenter and Clothes Shop. I just wish the 3D worked better, not having it on the overworld, and then dropping all the frames in battle, it's slightly lame.

-I've been catching all the Gen 6 guys I run across, but not really bothering with the older pokes. so my current team is as follows:
Goemon the Froakie lv. 11
Brave One the Fletchling lv. 12
Bedbug the Spewpa lv. 10
Hopalong the Bunnelby lv. 10
Nala the Litleo lv. 12

-First gym wasn't much of a challenge, the Brave One and Nala just steamrolled everything. Neat aesthetic, though. Gym leader was a photographer, which is a nice way to set her apart from the other Bug leaders. In general, I like the characters in this game. Having a group of friends is neat

-I love that you can reorganize your part just by dragging their icons around on the bottom screen.

-Had a battle against my friend, we both got 5 dudes to level 10 and fought it out. He had a Pikachu, though, which trumped both Goemon and my Brave One, so I was on the defensive. I ended up losing, but it was close enough to leave me satisfied. We're having a rematch at level 20, so hopefully I'll be ready that time!

-on that note, the wifi stuff is actually pretty cool. Being able to just tag random online people for a trade or battle, or see their customization, it's pretty much the interactions a "pokemon mmo" would have, without all the other bad stuff that would go along with it.

So yeah, really enjoying myself. I'm not really sticking to a "post a day" schedule right now, because I think I might have to post more often than that. Just kinda whenever I feel like it, for this next week.

Steven Stone of the Hoenn Elite Four

a dude cool enough to have a last name, a rarity in the Pokemon world

Steven is such a better Champion than Wallace. I mean, Wallace is alright, but it's redundant to have a Water Gym and then a Water guy in the Elite Four. And Steven is just so damn great, he makes a lot of "good" characters look "okay".

First, check that swag style. Black suit, purple stripes, red cravat. striking effect. subdued, yet you can tell he means business. but the best part is those steel arm rings, and steel rings on his fingers. Did you know he was a Steel-type specialist? maybe not, because he's not being garish about it, but you can pick up the hints. Also those rings look badass.

Mr. Stone doesn't go all-out to make the sort of impression Lance does, or have quite the attitude that Blue carries, but he certainly looks in-control and makes for an exciting climactic battle. and like I said, the dude knows cool. super-smooth super-swag steel-plated cool, that is.


Overall: 10/10

In the remake...

Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

yo watch out we got a stone-cold killer comin' thru

Drake looks like he just wandered in out of some horrible storm of salt and spray. His coat is tattered, he lost his shirt, but he didn't lose his captain's hat by God, and he sure as hell didn't loose his gallant 'stache.

He's a badass. He's probably strangled an octopus with his bare hands, eaten more kinds of seagulls than I'll ever know about, and spent over a years worth of combined time adrift at sea.

however - he's a Dragon trainer. which is still kinda badass, but... you've got this obvious nautical theme going, why use Dragons? because you don't want to be associated with those pansy-asses Wallace and Juan, I guess.

Other than that, Drake is exactly what I want to see in my Elite Four. Not sporty-looking, teacher-looking, well-mannered, official-sanctioned waypoints. But the Elite in their field, tested over years of hard work and sacrifice. and few characters sell that as well as Drake does right here.


Overall: 9/10
Previously

Glacia of the Hoenn Elite Four

notice how you see Ice, Ghost, Dragon, and Dark specialists in Elite Fours a lot? I guess those are just considered endgame-types is all.

you know, I don't think I've ever seen this official artwork before. I'd always seen her battle sprite, she looks a lot younger and, uh, prettier here. Definitely got that Scandinavian stylings, which works if she's gonna use Ice types.

I'm noticing those pants, though, and they're throwing me. not sure you're supposed to wear pants under a long dress like that. also holy piss, I thought that was a scabbard on her side for a moment there, that would've been viking queen as Hel.

but really, the more I look at her, the more bored I get. She's really proper and refined, but that can also translate into Boring, and in this case it does.


Overall: 4/10
In the remake

Phoebe of the Hoenn Elite Four

oh, be still, my heart!

Brown? check
Hawaiian brown? check
Confident about showing some skin? check
Short hair? check
Uses Ghost-types? check
Giant pink flowers stuck to the side of her head like alien growths? check

yeah, that's pretty much everything on the "my ideal woman" check list right there.

no seriously, Phoebe is great. Memorable design, if a little questionable as to why she would use Ghosts. But I think one has to cut the Elite Four some slack in this regard, as I've said before - they're already the elite trainers, they don't got nothin' to prove. She's a spunky islander girl who just so happens to love Ghosts, that's all there is to it.

okay, I guess there should be more to it than that, but c'mon. is Phoebe. is cool. Especially like the consistency between the flowers on her skirt and the flowers in her hair, and I'm a sucker for the Pokeball motif appearing anywhere on clothing it seems.


Overall: 8/10
In the remake

Sidney of the Hoenn Elite Four

I'm actually very familiar with this incarnation of the Elite Four.

I may have not mentioned this before, but my first run through Sapphire was disastrous. My starter was Sceptile, who proved useless, so I had to abandon him. I wanted to use Sableye to fight against Ghosts, but Sableye actually really sucks. I also brought Shedinja, hoping to cheese out a few trainers, but that never really happened. I used a Hariyama, who did okay against Sidney here. I brought a Castform, planning to have it use Hail and then be Ice-type to fight Dragons. Needless to say, that didn't work. Torkoal was my attempted Fire, but he's also kinda shitty. So in the end, it just came down to my Kyogre running a train all over everything with Surf and Ice Beam. It ended up near lvl 65. Everyone else was hovering around the 40's.

I picked somehow the worst team of Pokemon for the job, and got my ass handed to me more times than I could count. By the time I finally gave in and let Kyogre do all the work, it was too late, my enjoyment of the game had been ground into nothingness.

anyway, my point is that I've fought Sidney possibly more than any other single trainer in any other game, so he's like a close friend to me. A close, douchey-hipster friend who happens to have a team of Pokemon I all think are awesome.

Sid looks like a prick, but he uses Dark-types, so I'm actually gonna say it works. He oughtta look a little punk. Could have more black on him, instead of that much red, but eh.


Overall: 6/10
In the remake

Juan of Sootopolis City

How many gym leaders does Sootopolis City have? let's count them! Juan, Two! Two there are! Ah ah ah!

He takes over after Wallace moves on to the big leagues. and he's kind of cool, I guess. he really looks like a 4th Gen design, though. It's the hair.

I like how he's keeping the same general color scheme, of white/blue/purple. and he's looking dapper as all get out, with that cravat and brooch.

I dunno, there's not much to say here, I never played Emerald. not sure what his personality is like. I do think I like Wallace more, though, because wearing such obviously period-piece European clothes in a Pokemon game just doesn't seem to fit very well. Modern-style clothes, and japanese-style clothes work fine, but whenever I see a dude gussied up in a similar way I'm wondering if he's cosplaying or some stuff.


Overall: 7/10

Wallace of Sootopolis City

it's a good thing Fly exists, because otherwise I don't think Sootopolis City would get like any mail

His official art doesn't show it, but Wallace is all the time posing his ass off, jazz fingers going wild, being basically the biggest flashiest most flamboyant trainer ever.

and it's pretty great. His color scheme is actually kinda subtle, being most white and cyan. maybe it might look like an Ice trainer to some, but the way everything about him is about flow, I don't think so. his cape flows like a waterfall, or spreads like a wave. it's a really neat design choice.


Then, in Emerald, he gets so full of himself he gets to be the Champion. Now, we've seen Koga get promoted, and Lance take back his place, but it doesn't make sense to me that he could just waltz up and become Champ.

actually, that's exactly what YOU do when you beat them. except you don't bother to wait around and fight other challengers. what's up with that, Player Character? show some respect for the position!


Overall: 8/10
In the remake

Tate and Liza of Mossdeep City

seriously thought these was two girls for the longest time

you know, there's not much chinese-dressed people in Pokemon. So it's good to see a little of that show up here, in these brats fashionable pajamas or whatever. I'd let my children sleep/pratice tai chi in those.

I also super like the idea of psychic twins being the gym leaders for a double-battles-only gym. Shows off the new system, which is good, because pretty much nobody else in the game did. While I'm on the subject, I just want to say how much I like triple battles, because it feels like I've got my actual party out there on the field and stuff, and it makes battling a lot more complicated and interesting, and I'd hate to see it gone in gen 6. so fingers crossed.


anyway, back to Tater and Liszt. I suppose they work, they're designs are more focused on looking like innocent twins rather than powerful psychics, but that works. because when you see two chinese twins in pajamas sitting together and holding hands and staring at you with shining unblinking eyes, you begin to expect them to have latent telekinetic powers. or at least I do.


Overall: 6/10
in the remake

Winoa of Fortree City

damn I forgot this one even existed

That's a pretty funky outfit she's wearing, I don't even know what to make of it. Like, I see an aviator's cap, okay. Hair going crazy like wings, okay. a choker I guess. Then some bizarre one-piece that turns into bloomers, which then turns into like sleeves for her legs? they can't really be called pants, I don't think. It's bizarre.

Like, is this what flight jumpsuits look like? I don't really think so. I don't really think Gamefreak knew what they were doing here. You just sort of breeze into her little Ewok-village-ass town, zap her or freeze her, and move on.


seriously, I don't remember shit about this girl. cool hat/hair, though.


Overall: 2/10
In the remake

Norman of Petalburg City

No, May... I am your father.

Other than that little "twist", if you can even call it that, Norman is super boring. I mean, he's the Normal-type gym leader, I get it. Dude has about as much personality as Wonder Bread. He's Norman, and he's pretty frikken' normal.

I suppose having his gym revolve around using X Attack and X Defend and stuff is kinda unique, tho. Not that it mattered much, just gave my guys a free turn to attack.


He's got some sense of style, I suppose. I wear a sweater kinda like his, except grey. I dunno, he's pretty much living up to everything I'd expect out of a "Normal Gym Leader". I guess I shouldn't fault him too much. He actually feels like he's sort of a strategic all-rounder, but chooses to work with Normals because you have to specialize to own a gym, and they're the most flexible.

In the end, I suppose a totally normal score would be appropriate. Does "normal" not sound like a word to anyone else now? normal normal normal


Overall: 5/10
In the remake

October is my Favorite Month

I love October for a few reasons, and especially THIS October. Because Pokemon X and Y are coming out in less than two weeks. In case you didn't know.

So here's my self-imposed challenge - a post every day this month. Every single day, content of some kind comin' atcha.

I know I've got more than a few gym leaders and elite four members to get through, but I think I'm going to get through Hoenn and then stop. Because I'm getting bored. I want to wade into the Gen 6 Pokemon, and I don't want to wait too long. But I don't want to start immediately, either, because I need to actually PLAY the game before fully formulating my opinions.

so my plan is as follows -

1st - 6th: Hoenn gym leaders
7th - 11th: Hoenn elite four
12th - 19th: Random first impressions of the game
20th onward: 6th gen train gets rollin'

Any complaints about this plan? because this is looking like a damn fine plan to me. I like this plan.

Flannery of Lavaridge Town

THE MOST EXCITING TIME OF DAY HAS FLANNERY COME

now here's a little secret - I dig it when characters have baggy pants and tight tops. And I mean from a character-design perspective, male or female, I think it's neat. somehow combines a relaxed look (the bottoms) with an athletic look (the top).

so Flannery has that going for her. In addition to having hair that looks like it's exploding out of her head, and a helpful little flame symbol on her shirt. I'm saying she clearly communicates her Fire expertise, is what I'm saying. I'm also saying she's incredibly hot, and possibly the most memorable character in the entire 3rd Gen. She got that older-punk-girl thing going on. it's great


uh, yeah. I really like Flannery, I think that's apparent. I also think she has a good design, and Torkoal is a cool signature Pokemon. and she lives in a town his hotsprings next to a volcano, that's amazing.

Overall: 10/10
in the remake

Wattson of Mauville City

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Some people laugh because they are in good spirits. Some other people laugh to cover up the emptiness within. Wattson laughs because he owns a team of animals who can electrocute people to death, and holds too much political sway to ever be convicted.

He looks a little bit like your janitor from elementary school, the one you should might have actually been santa claus. But he's got that nice electric coloring, and a helpful lightning-bolt patch on his shoulder there. Which looks a little like an SS logo now that I think of it. Truly, the greatest monster of our time.


real talk, though, Wattson is great. That's a clever name, and he also has a unique body type for a gym leader. Electric type leaders are almost always genius, and this sadistic bastard here is no exception. He's too old to care about the laws of men anymore, and spends his time running high voltage through animals and building robots. Didn't he have a robotic Raikou in the anime? what the heck was up with that, anyway?

damn, Wattson, you crazy.


Overall: 10/10
In the remake

Brawly of Dewford Town

I'm pretty sure I used this guy in a Final Fantasy some time. Or maybe it was Lufia.

Point is, he looks a helluva lot like he belongs in a fantasy JRPG. and I mean, he is in a JRPG, but Pokemon isn't really fantasy. more technology than anything else.

anyways, he's got that nice blue/orange color scheme, but not much to identify him as a Fighting-type gym leader. Other than the fact he's the leader of a gym on an island to the southwest, which seems to be where Gamefreak puts all their Fighting dudes.


His pose and frame suggest he's athletic, and with that freaking name I'd obviously guess he's a fighter, but the design alone really doesn't communicate that at all. some knuckle wraps, or a martial arts belt, something like that would be good. I dunno, he just seems more attached to making sure everything in his life is blue and orange than looking like he trains beefy muscle Pokemon to punch things.


Overall: 4/10
In the remake